Life — August 9, 1906 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

AvT SC15§0R5, A OF BBs! PRIDE OF KENTUCKY Just take a glass And mangle in’t A young and tender Sprig o” mint, Some pineapple, A cherry red, And just a little, Twisted shred Of orange peel; Of ice about As much as you Would gather out In one fistful From where Now fruit and mint And ice that’s cracked Are in the glass; ‘To help the cause Put in a couple Of long straws, And while the ice Steams up and melts, You've got to put in Something else- I—don't—know—what— That—is, do you? Or else T guess Perhaps you do: But put it Shake ita lot, ‘Then taste and tell Us what you've got. —Houston Post. A SPECIAL ADVANTAGE, “I don't suppose there will be much left of that corporation after it has been investigated,” said the vindictive citizen. “You are mistaken,’ answered Mr. Dustin Stax. “Its business will merely pass under the authority of experts, who will place it upon a footing that must insure public confidence. ‘That is another of the special advantages corporations enjoy.""— Washington Star packed; NOTHING DOING “Now, Tommy," said the teacher, “if you had twenty cherries and your little brother asked you for half of them how many would you have lef “Twenty,” replied Tommy prompily A WESTERN SAINT A Michigan millionaire died the other day leaving twenty: is. He will be canonized by the Michigan bar Philadd phia Press. Wi. NyLLv5 NG Nyllv) A NAIVE PRAYER Just before the indecisive battle of Monmouth, in the Revo- lutionary War, a brigade chaplain in Washington's army is said to have offered up this unique prayer: *O Lord of Hosts, lead forth Thy servants of the American army to battle and give them the victory; of, if this be not accord- ing to Thy sovereign will, then we pray Thee stand neutral and let fesh and blood decide the issue.""—Woman's Home Com- panion UNITED STATES ISN'T IT THE TRUTH ? . queried little Tommy Toddles, “who are the city authorities?” * The city authorities, my son,"* replied Toddles, Se., “are officials who claim to have no authority when the dear public wants something done.’'—Chicago News. IMPRESSIONISM. “By the way, Jack, what is impressionism ?"* “It is the art of picturing something which no one has ever scen in such a way that one wouldn’t recognize it if he did see it." Answers EXPERT ADVICE Many years ago the late Sir John Macdonald, Premiee of Canada, was present at a public dinner, at which be was expected to deliver a rather important speech. In the conviviality ofthe occasion he forgot the more serious duty of the evening, and when, at a late hour, he rose, his speech was by no means luminous as it might have been. The reporter, koowing that it would not do to print his notes as they stood, called on Sit Joka next day and told him that he was not quite sure of having secured an accurate report. He was invited to read over his notes, but be had not got fer when Sir John interrupted him with, "That is not what I ssid" ‘There was a pause, and Sir John continued, "Let me repeat xy remarks." He then walked up and down the room and delivered a most impressive speech in the hearing of the amused reports, who took down every word as it fell trom his lips. Havieg thanked Sir John for his courtesy, he was taking his leave, whea he was recalled to receive this admonition Young man, allow me to give you this word of advice: Newer attempt to report a public speaker when you are drunk."— Chicago Inter-Occan. “I DREAMED I WAS A KING” ‘Two darkies lay sprawled on the Luneta on a hot day. Moses drew a long sigh and said: “Heey-a-h-h! Ab wish Ab hada hund’ed watermellions.”” Tom's eyes lighted dimly, “Hum ya-h! Dat would sutealy be fine. An’ ef yo" had a hund’ed watermellions would yo" gs me fifty?” ‘0, Ah wouldn't gib yo’ no fifty watermellions."* Would yo! gib me twenty-five?” No, Ah wouldn't gib yo" no twenty-five.” “Seems ter me yous powahful stingy, Mose. Woulda't yo'— woulda't yo" gib me one?” “No, Ah wouldn't gib yo’ one. Look a hyah, niggah, argo’ so good-fer-nuffin lazy dat yo" caiha’t wish fo" yo’ owa water mellions?"—AManila Sun. Nor Irish, but delightful, is the story of the automobilist wba, in making a cross-country tour in Dakota, had the misfortuse is have his machine break down. He saw a small house not far of and cut across to it. The only man about the place was a Swede, who was much amused by the sight of the strange rig the auto mobilist wore. “ My friend,” said the automobilist, “my a chine has had a bad break and I would like to know if you bart such a thing as a monkey-wrench about here?” The Swi: looked at the automobilist with greater curiosity than ever, an! then laughed. He had met some strange folks and heard som odd things since be had come to America, but this was the went ™ Monkey-wranch ?" he asked, sarcastically. “I got sheepraact and my cousin Ole he got cow ranch, and Meester Fergusoa b ban have wan pig ranch, but I tank annywan start motes ranch in Nord Dakota ban wan fool!" —Success. “Yow are quite right. She has her defects, she is vain, ful d pretentions and grand ideas, with a very difficult charac. But what will you? L adore ber and feel that I absolutely'cansct live without her." “But that is not the question. Can you live with ber?*- Gallo Caricaturista. Lire is publi sday, $5.00 a year in advance. Postal Union, y é from date of publication. 25 cents Lire. is for sale by all Newsdk Building, Chancery Lane, Lo Fngland, AcENTs. Postage to foreign countries in the ingle Current copies, 10 cents. Back numbers, after three moaths Britain, The International News Company, Bream's No The illustrations in Live. are copyrighted, and are not to be reproduced. Prompt notifcation should be sent by subscribers of any change of address. Wison- Whe only whuskey, that waces a compete, queranteed analysis on each werery, beltle- Seeback label! At your club or dealer's SURBRUG-Importer Thats Al! The Egyptian Cigarette of Quality AROMATIC DELICACY— MILDNESS-— PURITY @ 3:30 P. M, Leave New York 8:30 Next Morning Reach Chicago NEW YORK CENTRAL LINES} | comicbooks.com