Life — August 2, 1906 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

~ LIPE - Take Your Wife Along ("Nick Longworth wouldn't have had half so good a time in Europe if be hadn't taken his wife along." —Toledo Blade.} FIG for un-uxorious, sardonic Bernard Shaw, Who sneers at love and marriage and maternity-in-law. For the burden of this humble but cooperative song Is hang expense in traveling—and take your wife along. Oh, it’s take your wife along— Don’t be selfish like a shellfish! Show her London and Hongkong. Royal lips will smile to greet Emperors will rush to mect y Kings will wine you, Qucens will dine you, If you take your wife along! Won't it be a nice sensation when in London town you land And the King comes down to meet you at the station with a band ? And among the haughty Germans ‘twill be comforting, somehow, When the Emperor shouts, “Pully! und you prought dot Iecdle frau!” The Respectability of the Very Rich ‘OR some time there has been a marked tendency among the very rich to grow respectable, causing honest alarm in many quarters. Husbands are beginntng to live regularly with their wives, and deprecating their own condition to the advantage of the poor. The very rich are doing more repu- table things every day and getting on our nerves by their efforts at morality. If this keeps up, what is to be the end? We look to the very rich to furnish us with bad examples. If they are all going to be decent and cultivate the virtues, we shall begin to envy them, thus adding another measure to our discontent. . One of the safeguards of the very rich has been that by dissipation, and selfishness, and promiscuous extravagance, they have weakened their energics, and the production of their own kind has been strictly limited by their unstraightened circumstances. If they are being tempted to lead simple lives, however, and to get the idea that money isn’t everything, they will begin to multiply, and some precautionary measures may be necessary to keep them within reason Every very rich person ought to have at heart the good of his fellow man, and be foolish and fast enough to be held in contempt by those who respect themselves. The main purpose of his life is to do enough things that are not worth while, in order that the majority may learn not to follow his example. Let the very rich beware, therefore, and not attempt to become too good; otherwise their only source of usefulness will be over. T. M. The Paper Age will say that illite no sign of mental and moral decrepitude, in immigrants coming from a country where schooling is only for the rich, and imagine therewith to dispose of this plan for keeping out everybody who can’t read. But profounder students, with a better sense of ultimate verity, will Oh, it’s take your wife along— ‘Though it’s trouble, pay for double, And you'll certainly Belong. ; King and common, priest and peasant, Will attempt to make things pleasant, From the steerage To the peerage— If you take your wife along! Let the addled Muse of Satire woman's vanity deride— After all, no decent honeymoon’s complete without a bride; And when so equipped for travel all the world may come and cheer As you stop at famous capitals around this girded sphere. So, it’s take your wife along— You had better not forget ‘er! "Twould be rude as well as wrong. How the dickens would you mingle With the Royalty, if single ? Itis very Necessa ‘That you take your wife along! Wallace Irvin, perceive that as long as we have such vast forests available for wood pulp, we cannot afford to be letting in people unless they are going to buy newspapers, at least, not to insist upon real literature. The standards of living, the sanctity of our ideals, the palladium of our liberty, these are all right in their piace and time, but just now it is the paper market that we are legis lating for, as we have legislated before for steel. tin-plate, Connecticut tobacco and other forms of cordage. GUS! comicbooks.com