Life — July 19, 1906 — page 20: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Ina SeI59R ANT, NyLLv @ OFeGd BAe S A MISUNDERSTANDING Wilbur J. Carr, of the State Department, had occasion to call at the house of a neighbor late at night. He rang the door bell After a long wait a of a second-tlooe window « “Who's there? tr. Carr," was the reply Well.” said the voice T care if you missed a ¢ up peopl to tell them read was poked of asked a voice the window banged shut, *what do > Why pout it?” on’t you walk and not wake New York World. ed the boys of the school he was examining Tux inspecte “Can you take yc response. “Can. sir.” “Why not Tittle boy spoke up: * the buttons are."—St, James's Gazette, OFF DUTY A native pestman on the Gold Coa following ketter to his postm: “Dear Master—1 that when I go bath this morning a billow he Dear Master, how can I ge get loss whi Kind write Accra that they send me one fs L catch him and overcoats off 2" “Yes, sir, \e bear take his warm overcoat off?" “No, 1 for a while, and then a because Gad alone knows where here was silenc t after bathing sent the ve the pleasure to regret to inform you remove my trouser. on duty with only one trouser? If he eam 1? go duty Jay, Sir, my Loed are you? Your loving corporal —Country Gentleman. J. Avote." CURING A PAMPERED PET Another clever veterinary had a system all his own. When he received an overfed toy dag he woukd con: im toa disused brick oven with a crust of bre When the dog began to gnaw th informed 1 menced operations on the onion, we but when the animal tackled the boot, my ed to hear that removed.""—Wogran's Home Compan HIS LEADERS ‘The city boarder was attracted by a sign on the only store in the village. It read: “The Six Best Sellers Within.” “Him! murmured the city boa H, buy some current literature an onion and an old boot bread. the ther darling was “doing nicely When it com was sent that the pet was F precious pet was “ready tobe e is a chance to Guess T'll go in” Entering, he found the old storekeeper sitting on a herring keg puffing a corncob “Where are your books?" Wh ks, stranger? Why, the Ha. ha! The “ Not books?" “No, sir. My salt. socks and she News asked the city boa drawled the storckceper six best sellers." "t books, mister."" ix best sellers’ are soap, sugar, suspenders. What can I wrap you up of eac Lire is published every Thursday. $5.00 a year in advance al Union, $1.04 a yeay extra. Single current copies, 10 cents of publication. 25 cents COULD USE THE OTHER KIND, TOO Here," said the salesman, exhibiting another one, thing new. We call this the ‘lovers’ clock." You can set it so it will take it two hours to run one hour.” “T'Mltake that.” said Miss Jarmer, with a bright blush now, if you have one that can be set 40 as to fun two “And urs in one hour's time or less. I think I'd like one of that kind, too."—Ch cago Tribune. Maxacixe Eprror (to reporter) married. Mr. Scarebead? Me. Scarenrap: Er—yes, si; I— “Kindly draw on the office for forty immediately. and let m a Great City? by 12 o'clock Exchange Are you cngaged to be lings, get married have two columns on * Married Life in And—er—congratulations.” — GEE! BUT 17M CLAD MA NEVER SPANKED Mt WITH SLIPPERS Like Hose.” HOME, PLEASURES ABROAD lady who ough Italy with ed all the Malian A you her father remarked th. ad returned from a tour t her father ha cities, but especially he liked Venice “Ah, Venice relating some of the understand th: ” said the friend to whom she was “1 can readily with its gon: to be sure ventures of their trip your father would prefer Venic Mark's, and Michael Angelos said the young lady Oh, a0, ‘it in the hotel, you know, and Gsh out of the win Home Journal it wasn't that HOW A POPULAR SONG LOOKS IN ESPERANTO ‘That new universal language, Esperanto, is getting a firm grip on humanity in all parts of the world. Some readers may not know what it looks like and sounds like. The following transla. tion of the chorus of “Everybody Works But Father” may enlighten them “Cui labores sed patro Li sidas cirkau vio tago Kin lia piedoj sur des fijaro-loco. Fumiant lia argila pipo, Patrimo emprenas des lavo, ‘Tiel faras filino Anne. Cio laboras en mia Sed mia maljuna vio. m0 —Chicago News WHAT RED TAPE LEADS TO Cures at Pook Retire Ornice to Arriicast—Are you applying for relief? Apruicat (in rags and looking Jamished): Yes. “Where do you live?” Applicant gives an address, “Well, we shall inquire into your case and the result wilt be made known to you as soon as possible the telephone?—Bon Vivant By the way, are you on “LIGE GOUDY'S CORN "Lige Goudy, a well-known and popular passenger engincer who lives at Seymour. is raising some corn tifis year. A few days ago a gentleman called at Mr. Goudy’s house to see him, and was informed that he had gone out to look at his corn. ‘The gentleman went down to the field, which he found growa over with weeds of a gigantic growth, with a sickly looking stalk of corn peeping forth here and there. The gentleman looked across the field. but could not sce the peoprictor thereof Finally the man climbed upon the fence and shouted “Ob. 'L To his surprise. a reply came from among the weeds near by in the familiar voice of Me. Goudy ‘The gentleman took a second Jook. but coitld not quite locate Lige. and. after 3 moment's hesitation, said. “Shake a weed, so I can tell where you are!"—Exchange OK. Ina Massachusetts cemetery there is a monument ere large family of O'Kelleys. Now the O'Kelleys were to for the monument. enough for the surnames. So this is the way the later names were cut in: William O.K.; John O K., Mary O K.—Alleyn H. Martin, in Lippincott's PROFESSIONAL OBITUARY When an editor dies in Kan obituary s. this is the way they write the “Phe pen is silent; the scissors have been laid away es the very atmosphere il yelling *copy’ of ‘what The paste-pot has 1e Cockroach is eating the ¢c to rust; the stillness of death perv where once the hoarse voice of the I's this word ?* wa soured on the what-not; off the roller, and the blucbottle tly is dying in the nich folds Exchange wont to resound the printer's towel.” ostage to foreign countries in the Back numbers, after three months The at n. The International News C 1. Acents. Whe only whrskey, that places a compete, quaranleed analysis on each kerery, baitle- Seeback label! No contribution will be returned ations in Lire are copyrish less accompanied by stamped and addressed envelope d are not to be reproduced. notification should be sent by subscribers o] any change of address Hunter. Whiskey . 50 Years’ Test, Still The Best, Thats Ailt Sot wa J at all firstctass cates and by jotters I, LANAHAN & SON, Haltiuoee, Mut @® Southwestern Limited Cacia td Se Las NEW YORK CENTRAL LINES COomiIcbooks