Life — July 19, 1906 — page 17: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“THOUGH LEVITES PASS BY ON THE OPPOSITE siDE It matters not what scenes the children may witness— Go on with the revel of intrigues and quarrels, So long as divorce does not sully our morals Through pleasures and fallacies though they may roam, However they grumble, there’s no place like home! Oh, you who are blest with good husbands or wives, You chiefly should {cel for the less lucky lives! You more than all others should lighten their load Who, blindly or hastily, chose the wrong road. You owe them your sympathy, effort and aid To right the enormous mistake they have made; To shake off their shame and to gain a new chance To get back to happiness, health and romance. If justice and mercy the churchman begrudges, Let misery find them, at least, in the judges. Let not a Samaritan help be denied, Though Levites pass by on the opposite side. The Village Belle and the Widow O “E there was a Village Belle who had never been out of her own township, who was pretty as a,peach and held everybody in her thrall within the radius of miles and miles. The country bumpkins used to sit on her piazza night after night and vie with cach other. She was the leading feature of all straw rides and when she went to a dance every other girl looked lonesome as a summer resort at Christmas time. Near the Village Belle lived a wealthy young man from the city in his country home. It was rumored that he had all kinds of money and was a great catch, and when the Village Belle began John Lomax. “to cast her eyes upon him every one said that his finish could already be detected without the aid of a field-glass. About this time there appeared on the horizon a young Widow from the metropolis. What she didn’t know was not worth bothering about. She had had all kinds of experience and had covered so much territory that all the cards in the deck were at her bidding. At the end of the first week the Village Belle was ten laps behind. All the professional money was on the Widow. At the end of the second week the Widow was holding her own. -LIFE-: 81 The Village Belle was running easily, but well in the rear. At the end of the third week the Village Belle was catching up. On the twehty-ninth. day the Village Belle won in a walk, the engagement being announced and the Sunday papers *printing her picture in decorated framework. Moral: You can train at home just as well as abroad if you know how to apply yourself. Too Late HE junior and senior proprictors of the great magazine had just been over the accounts for the past year, and were congratulating cach other. “Yes,” said the junior member, ‘‘it’s great A year ago our periodical was practically noth ing at all. Then through the idea of our editorwe run our series of exposures. At the same time our advertising manexcluded all improperadvertising from ourcol- umns. To these two licutenants more than anything else do we owe our great success. Let’s call ’em in and congratulate ’em.”” “Good idea!” said the senior. ‘Robert”—to the office boy—“‘tell Mr. Pratt and Mr. Smith to step this way. The office boy came back with a grin on his face. “They've both gone, sir,” he said. ‘They and the cashier took the midnight train for Canada.” Followed Ingtructions “(7 RACIOUS, man!” exclaims the doctor when Mr. Glub- bins calls him in a hurry. “Your temperature is rioting along’near the danger point, and you” “And I’m worse off than I ever was before, all through the diet you prescribed.” “Impossible, Mr. Glubbins. I told you distinctly to confine yourself to such foods as would be taken by a three-year-old child.” “And didn’t I follow orders? I ate apple cores and dog biscuits and ends of burt matches and scraps of potato peeling and everything else I could pick up while no one was looking— and here I am pretty near dead!” Hastily reflecting upon the gasfronomical tendencies of the average three-year-old child, the doctor tells Mr. Glubbins that he has been overdoing the diet and will have to subsist on soft toast and hot water for a week. Piggus: Ab YoU CLAIM THE AUTHORSHIP OF ALL THOSE? Pigga: VES, THEY ARE ALL PRODUCTS OF MY PEN. comicbooks.com