Life — May 3, 1906 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

550 Before our boycott follows from Shanghai I would present the Chinese Laundry Bill CA Tr Seu My Ready Rule for Regulating Rates— Aut: O, Seizer! Sezer: Hence! wilt ye lift up Olympus? Caxy.: Take that! (Stabs SEZER Drreweus: And that! (Stabs him with Fatenankus: And that Sei: Et tu, Fairbanks! politically.) A bill to dam the Panam ACT III 2 A dill to raise the tariff on fried eggs Canal. (Presents paper.) Hold on, sweet statesmen; since ye have not passed -LIFE- (Presents paper.) ith a hickory stick.) avery dull pun.) (Stabs him with an icicle.) Where's my square deal? (fe dies camp in Panama. Brutus THLMantus and Cassius CANNON are ina tent playing pinochle.) CANN Th With certain engineers. Caxx Of anything there Tiu.: apt to be an carthqual As Shakespe: lor He’s wrong again. When kind constituents send undershirts I wish they wouldn’t send the hair-cloth kind (Spirit-rappings. Enter Seizer’s Guiost.) Hello! Great Seizer’s Ghost—I recognize Those spectaclés which glare like window-panes Above piano-keys. Them teeth, them teeth! Tu Doth form thi Can Guost: c Ww Guost: To (Gnost Ti. politically dead CANN monstrous apparition Speak to me, what art thou ? hy evil spirit, Joseph! ‘omest thou? I ruther thunk As Advertised BILL for the regulation of outdoor advertisements has languished for a year in the English House of Lords, and is ly to perish for lack of light and air. It is every bit as hard in England as in the United States to light monicd interests with that feeble weapon, public senti- ment; and as long as it pays to placard the country with miles of hideous board- ing so tong will the weary traveler be forced tu gaze upon these distressful signs. ‘That it should pay is one of the miracles of trade which the uninitiated fail to understand. It can be explained only on the impossible theory that there are people who accept a manufacturer’s ay that thou shalt see me again in the Philippines. anishes, kicking over stove as he goes.) O, durn the luck! I thought that Teddy was Hark, hark! what is that jar which shakes the earth ? Tis William Taft who's had a falling out When Taft falls out re says, you have an itching palm. Thave an itching back— Tush, tush! Perhaps the weakness of our eve “Estee srizer’s cost * ‘That he'd bob up and scize another term. When Fairbanks hears of this he'll be so mad "Twill almost melt the glacier on his spine. Tu. (Brutus and € Riders, Grizely properties.) statement as testimony to the value of his wares The journey from New York to Phila- delphia is now enlivened by an unbroken succession of advertisements. We gaze languidly out of one window, and are hidden to eat twenty-seven kinds of pickles; shuddering, we tur to another, and find a counteracting influence in drugs of fell purpose, but with ornate names designed to give them a patent of gentility. Lozenges and liniments are pressed upon us for miles at a time; malted beverages contend with hooks and for our regard; and of hygienic sub- stitutes for food there are enough to secure the slow starvation of the world. Debauching nature on such a colossal scale must be an expensive process. It political suicide. : The wolves will how] in Washington once more— Hammers and hatchets can’t kill Theodore! 's swallow a Joint Statehood Bill and commit inter SeizeRr’s Guost, followed by Rough Bears, Colored Troopers and other stage costs a good deal to convert happy homes and self-respecting turnip fields into mediums of advertisements. How many liver pills must be consumed—hideous thought!—before the original outlay is returned? New Jersey scenery is not nature’s great mastery but its mod- est merits hardly deserve the crucl treat- ment it has received. for the insuffer- able fatigue of staring at continuous miles of advertisements, it is something akin to torture. That it should incite in the jaded traveler’s soul a desire to eat and drink and wear the things advertised seems beyond belief, but man is a docile creature. Tell him for two hours to buy a thing, and he feels he cannot in cour- tesy refuse. Agnes Repplier. comicbooks.com