Life — December 7, 1905 — page 26: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

NEW VERSION OF THF GRASSHOPPER AND THE ANT. The Reflections of Egotista. D AR DIARY: I have discovered that the whole art of traveling lies in making oneself as com- fortable as possibl This, when rig derstood, is absolutely simple, as are all great discov I had the upper berth of a section, you know, and you imagine my disgust on finding the seat opposite me occupied by a frail,old man, I saw that his presence would not add to my comfort, so I piled up my suit ing bag and golf sticks on the scat beside him, in such a way that the slightest jolt of the car sent them hurtling upon him. After a long and in- effectual struggle with them, he made some impolite remark about brok ribs and internal inj » and tottered away. I opened my last New Thought book and reflected on the truth and beauty of the fact that the development of the ego is the only subject worthy the attention of the individual. Then I proceeded to occupy flowers and zines until the ing car Every seat was taken but one, and when I found that I would have to sit with my back to the engine, I intimated my disappointment so strenuously that a young man offered me his seat and took mine. It evidently made him s to ride se, trav self with my candy, ast call for the din- was announced. so, for he grew quite white and could cat but li dinner. I fear he has not learned to draw upon the finite for his supply of health. I made a beautiful demonstration when I arrived at the conclusion that I could not possibly sleep in an upper berth, I stated the fact so earnestly that a man who had a lower berth offered to exchange with me. It is needless to that I accepted his offer very sweetly, as I think it wise to encourage any fa symptoms of man’s almost extinct sense of chivalry. But the real test of my serenity came the next morning. Arising carly, I hastened to the dressing-room, for, nat- urally, one wishes to make a good impression upon one’s friends when arriving at a destination, so I put the same amount of time and pains upon my toilet which I should do were I at home. Of course, I had to curl my hair all over and sew fresh ruchings in my blouse and do a lot of little things like that. That I was able toaccomplish this undisturbed is a proof of my absolute poise, for I never heard anything like the way the women in that car beat and pounded upon the door, When at last I emerged, dainty and immaculate, just as the train was about to pull into the station, I was shocked to sce the ungovernable rage those women ex- hibited and to observe their disheveled and untidy appearance ; and really, they were more rude than I imagined people could be. One of them said, “Is she human?" Another replied, is a type. You will find one of her, at least, on every train.” But calumny and innuendo cannot disturb my per- fect calm, Mrs, Wilson Woodrow. A Railroad Point of View. ITTLE Clarence, who is the son of a railroad man, saw a dachshund for the first time the other day, and remarked : “I don’t sce how that dog can go round in a circle very long without having a rear-end collision.” Perkins (arranging the mistletoe): GET ME A VIECE OF STRING SOTHAT 1 CAN TIG THIS SPRIG TO THE CHANDELIER, Valeton : MAVEN'T TIME! YOU JUST MOLD ITTHERE, 17'S ALL RIGHT AS. Iris, comicbooks.com