Life, 1905-11-02 · page 20 of 48
Life — November 2, 1905 — page 20: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This satirical poem attacks mercenary clergy who perform marriages without moral scrutiny. The central complaint: unscrupulous preachers will marry *any* couple for a fee, regardless of compatibility or likelihood of disaster. The key visual metaphor shows a cross labeled "PUT MONEY IN THE BOX AND GET A MARRIAGE CERTIFICATE ALL FLAVORS"—suggesting marriage licenses are commodities sold like consumer goods, stripped of spiritual meaning. The satire names no specific individuals but broadly indicts the religious establishment for prioritizing income over conscience. References to "Reverend Tom, Dick, or Harry" and "a little church 'round the corner" suggest this was a widespread practice among desperate clergymen. The poem's closing warns that such marriages, blessed by mercenary priests, doom couples to "lingering hell"—conflating Gretna Green (famous for quick marriages) with moral corruption. The core joke: marriage has become a commercialized service with no ethical standards.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
(gee mc 7, A oe S| iA 5 oy 4 @ a DITTIES @& t0N DIVORGEs 4 Whom God Hath Joined. . wires God hath joined let no man put asunder,” But who's to tell whom God hath joined, I ry Reverend Tom, or Dick, or Ha Who takes a licens: out to preach and marry ? A thousand creeds there are, They cannot all be right or But all are mo “ But somechere they will find a needy pastor.” Now marriages are founts of income steady, So when a man—no matter who—would wed, he Will always find some preacher willing, ready. No couple is so hopelessly mismated, No hasty twain so patently ill-fated That each by each must soon be loathed and hated, MARRIAGE CERTIFICATE! ALL FLAVORS = OC” A But somewhere they will find a needy pastor To mumble words that make misfortune master, And drag long generations to disaster. ‘The conscientious priest in vain refuses ; It simply means a needed fee he loses ; They'll find another who his cloth abuses, Always a little church is ‘round the corner, ay Where there's a needier pastor and forlorner ; x a , : Ten dollars makes him Satan's own suborner, ' The world’s a Gretna Green, whose wedding bell ‘oo Decoys mad couples down the primrose dell “A thousand creeds there ave,a million preachers.” That skirts past heaven into lingering hell, comicbooks.com