Life — November 17, 1904 — page 8: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Militarism and Matrimony. AJOR-GENER- AL CORBIN, who has rank, rep- ation, and a record unstained by blood, has de- veloped a genius for military sociology, which bids fair to link his name and fame with those merry and_puis- sant warriors, General Boom, Cap- tain Bobadil and Corporal Fall- staff. Some pens are mightier than swords; but only a hero may tackle Dan Cupid's bow and shaft with a goose quill The retiring modesty of Fabius gave him fame; Caesar's commentary on Gaul made him the patron saint of the passionate press agent; leon soared: with his pen and pained ‘with his sword to make his mark; Buller cowering on the Kaffir veldt inked himself to glory; the seats of the mighty crushed Spain when Shafter sat down at Santiago; and yet all these warriors seem faded and feeble since Corbin dauntlessly denounced — the frontal attacks of Cupid on West Point, the dangers of feminine forays on unprotected armies, the ravages of HOW HE ESCAPED FROM HIS BORDER. matrimony among inexperienced war- riors, the perils of poverty in post and camp; and since he fearlessly, even grimly, laid down the pregnant propo- sition, that celibacy is as essential to military success as caissons, cartridges, cavalry and khaki The greatest military power of Eu- rope, Germany, has shown that mar- riage without money breeds debt and bans discipline; and it insists that Teu- tonic warriors pursue the almighty dol- lar and capture the easy mark be- fore marriage. This principle must be applied to the American army; military preparedness must be supple- mented by matrimonial preparedness ; the American gold standard must oust the archaic rag baby; and the sacred doctrine of the protective tariff must guard and nourish the infant industries of our army. Our young officers must take this principle to heart; they must array themselves in their most alluring military millinery and storm the Four Hundred; and patriotism and_ pride should urge them to prevent the ex- portation of our giddy, golden girls to fatten the fallen fortunes of Europe's effete aristocracies, The introduction of Corbin’s cash- carrier celibacy as a code in military life is perilous and denotes courage, since it runs counter to the Presidential propaganda against race suicide; and as it inevitably arrays the sex against this bottle-scarred hero, Washington may know him no more, and his old age may fizzle out among the palms and pajamas of the Philippines. Be that as it may, the monograph on mili- tary matrimony will endure to excite the wrath and mirth of belligerent bachelors, and to mark its writer asan adaptive, if not original genius. It will show to marvelling generations that it is possible to be ignorant of two great principles and yet to combine both with success; it will prove to a grinning and irreverent age that intui: tion is better tuition and that genius is a darn sight better than experience. When next the army rises after din- ner to drink “Sweethearts and Wives,” it will please add “Corbin and Celi- bacy.” Joseph Smith. LGY: It takes three generations to make a gentleman, you know. Prxetorr: What a chap you are for looking ahead. comicbooks.com