Life — October 27, 1904 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

* WHERE ARE THE VALUABLES ?" “WHAT 2?” ‘SOM, 1 MEAN YOUR MAMA'S JEWELS.” “TM HAROLD. Essentials. ‘T is a mistake to suppose that nothing is essential toa great university be- yond a Football Squad. Only less necessary than a Football Squad are a Student Body and a Faculty. Without a Student Body to yell grotesquely in season and out of season, how should be created the academic atmosphere, fail- ing which even the brutalest of games might not rise to the distinction of a social event ? And without a Faculty, who should make fathers and mothers believe that a boy may mingle in the strife and frenzy of football and still do his duty by his studies ? The likelihood is that no Football Squad is able, of itself, to keep liberal education from falling into disrepute. ISABELLE I$ IN THE NEXT ROOM WITH MAMA.” Absent Treatment and an Auto. ITHERBY has invited Bilter ( out to take a ride with him in his new auto.) Bite By Jove, old man, she’s a fine looker. Witnersy: Isn't she? And a great goer, too. Where shall we skip to? ‘* Anywhere you say, Sure you un- derstand about running her?"’ “T understand all that is necessary."" “Ever had any trouble?” “Oh, yes. I used to have lots of it.”” “1 suppose you learned how to run the thing so well that now you antici- pate everything.” “ Well, not exactly that. can you keep a secret ?"* “Why, yes, of course." ‘Then listen, When I first got this machine, the blamed thing was break- ing down all the time. Constant trouble. I was about to give up the Old man, 401 whole thing in despair, when a brilliant idea occurred to me. I consulted a Christian Scientist.” “* What for? “Why, for the auto, of course ! Now every time I start out for a ride I notify him, and he gives me absent treatment while I'm gone. No more trouble. Every- thing serene, I can go out now in perfect ease and confidence. Isn't it great?” “Um! It's great if it works."’ “Well, you jump in, and we'll see."" (Witherby starts up the machine, and they go off down the road at a great pace.) ‘Of course, it may seem foolish and absurd, but the fact is that before this car had absent treatment there was trouble all the time. And since then, absolutely none. I—" (The auto gives a chug-chug and stops.) ‘Hello! What's that?” “Thought you said—" “Just wait. Only temporary.” (After a lengthy search of fifteen minutes, in which Witherby tries every conceivable manner to start up the machine, the trouble is finally located in the spark plug. A new one is inserted and they proceed.) ‘ Never knew that to happen before.”* “You are paying that chap for his absent treatment, aren’t you?’ “Sure.. Five dollars an after- noon.” “Well, I should dock him for the time lost, if I were you. I—" (‘There is a loud, whirring noise, and the machine is brought toa sudden halt by Witherby.) “Now, what the ’ dev—" (Helistens anx- iously.) “Your friend, the healer, is evidently taking things easy.” “1 must say it’s strange.” (Witherby jumps off, makes an- other investigation, and finds the starting chain has broken loose and has been playing tag with the fly-wheel. He repairs it after nearly twenty minutes’ hard labor.) “IT guess, old man, comicbooks.co MALLOWE'EN—SCARING "EM