Life — October 27, 1904 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

aS) ae) Lay of the Landlocked Mariner. Paul Morton, recently appointed Secretary of the Navy, formerly Vice-President of the Santa Fé Railroad, was guest of honor at the recent convention of Railway Pass:nger Agents held at Old Point Comfort. —Daily Paper. WAS strolling one day in my usual way, On the lookout for anything new, When along Dearborn Street I did happen to meet With a stranger, all togged out in blue. + Oh, thou bold sailor man, with thy visage of tan, Heave a line of salt converse,” said I. *T'll embalm it in verse.” With a nautical curse He made this peculiar reply : * Cruise alongside me, mate, and attend, while I state That I've never had sight of the sea; For I work every day on the old Santa Fé, And her rolling’s quite plenty for me. “* We had once a V, P.,” he continued, **and he Is the head of the Navy to~da: For the President knew that his stomach was true If he'd cruised on the old Santa Fé. “* When T. R, came round, to look over the ground, He remarked, confidential, to me : * I'll bet two drinks o° cider there ain’t no rough rider As has seen more rough ridin’ than he.’” Then, with nautical pose, he said: * Look at me clothes ! Ship ahoy {| Come aloft and belay ! Ain’t it only correc’ that we show him respec’ Hy dressin’ and talkin’ this way ? *L have shore leave to-day * But to-morrow I set sail at nine, As the Vice-Commodore of a trainload of ore, That is bound for some ports down the line. he continued to say, Now up anchor,” said he, ‘and just come on with me And I'll show you the Santa Fé fleet ; Locomotives and cars, with their riggin’ and spars, Where they land at the head of this street.” As the station we reached, a through train had just beached, And the people were coming ashore. While the anchor was cast and the train was made fast, I looked on with the Vice-Commodore. With a wave of his hand, he said; * He's in command.” “The Conductor?” asked. “No,” said he. nce the new change has happened, Conductors is Cap'nd, And the Brakemen is Ensigns, you see.” To a train sailing out | heard somebody shout : “ The barometer's down; reef your sails, For the wind’s ettin’ high, and there's clouds in the sky, And the incomin’ trains report gales, Said my friend: * It's declared that the orficers sweared, And the seamen rolled round on the deck ‘To think Teddy'd asked a wild man from Nebraska To manage the Navy as Sec. “* But he's puttin’ ‘em wise—them there salt sailor guys— And he’s teachin’ ‘em railroadin’, Say ! He's put things on their bows for to catch the sea-cows, If they happen to stray in the way. “Why, they're tellin’ me tales, how he’s puttia’ in rails, And schedules and block systems, too, —If a battleship’s slow, on a siding she'll go, For to let fast torpedo boats through. “ And he got a good hunch that the whole naval bunch Should be named out like R. R. officials, Bosun’s mate and such jobs was a subjec’ for sobs, So he's got 'em all called by initials. “Now, V. P. and G. M., and such titles as them, ‘They are saner and plainer by far, Than the muddled-up notion they had on the ocean, Like Ensign and Jolly Jack Tar.” On and on went the tale of his life on the rail, Till I felt forced to ask if he drank. Then I cruised to the bar, with my railroading Tar, And there, shortly after, he sank. Julian Street, Strenuous Royalty. O one may accuse the seventh Edward of being a rov Saineant. He is operated on for appendicitis, and as if that were not enough to establish his kinship with the best aspirations of America, he brings in the Land Bill and puts a stop to Ireland boring us with her wrongs. Bonds of amity with France, Italy and Germany he cements anew, wherever the cement is cracking off. And finally he touches the great universal heart of mankind by making two creases to be in pants, where only one was deemed possible before. All within three years. Even the eighth Henry appears to be standing still, in comparison. comicbooks.com