Life — October 27, 1904 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A LA MEREDITH. Cuarrer I. Will you be mine, Felicia?" “For how long, Albert?” “For fifteen years, dearest.” ‘0; but I will for ten years.” Can't you make it twelve?” No; ten is the limit.” “All right. Here's the ring. it, for I may need it again.” Take good care of Cnarter II. “Do you promise to take this woman for better or for worse for ten years?” —subject, of course, to renewal of contract.” "Do you promise to love, honor and obey?” Yes; up to September 20, 1914." “I pronounce you man and wife. asunder in the meantime.” Let no man Cuarter III. (Ten years later.) “Well, Albert, your ten years are up to-day. Do want an extension of the contract?” “No, thanks, dearest. I'm booked for the next ten years with Fanny Bishop. Her contract with Charley Bishop expires soon, you know.” “Why, of course. How stupid of me to forget In that case I'll accept Arthur Bridgeport for five years, His contract with Adelaide is up next Friday you at noon.” Cuarrer IV. (Five years later.) “Whose little boy are you?” “I'm Uncle Sam's little boy.” “Where are your parents, my lad?” “Papa's doing six years with the late Mrs. Bishop, and mamma, I understand, is married at present to Mr. Bridgeport. Her contract expires some time next month, though, she having failed to get a renewal. Mamma’s getting old, you know.” Chicago Tribune. THREW THEM OFF THE SCENT. As the immaculate young woman and the tired but happy-locking young man entered the Pullman, followed by a grinning porter, the other passengers became “wise” in The stout drummer feaned over to the man behind him and remarked: Bride and groom—1oo to 1.” Every one turned to view the new-comers, had deposited themselves vis-i-vis in No. 4. a momen! who As if unconscious of any scrutiny, the young man said, in a high, nasal voice: “Well, do as you like about it; either increase the margin or let it go. You didn’t follow my advice in the first place, but if you want to pull out, you'd better do it no “Oh, I know," the woman replied. ing all over it again?” “Huh! said the stout man's companion, “Guess you lose. Been playing the market. Not much bride and groom talk in that.” The rest of the passengers sniffed and then turned their backs on the new couple. Whereat the young man smiled at the young woman, and they softly joined hands as he whispered: “Millicent, dear, my shoes are full of rice."— Philadelphia Public Ledger. “What's the Bank President > 1 WEAR THAT OUR CASHIER MAS TURNED CHRISTIAN SCIENTIST. Director: wv yove! 1 ANY ADSENT TREATMENT. OPE ME WON'T GIVE US GOOD NEWS. Mr. John Sharp Williams, leader of the minority in the House, tells the following as illustrative of the humors of the spoils system in office: cars ago, before the passage of the civil- service act, when every congressman's life was made a burden by the importunities of constituents seeking office, a friend of mine, then representing an Alabama district in the House, was approached by an old acquaintance who desired a clerkship in the Treasury Department. “The congressman informed the man that bot a day or two before the head of that department had advised the statesman that there were no vacanc Nevertheless, the constituent of the Alabama rep sentative persisted in his efforts to obtain the covcted clerkship, and for weeks haunted the quarters of the congressman. “One evening, just as the member was sittin down to dinner, he was a little vexed, to say the least, by the announcement of his servant that the persistent applicant for preferment at the hands of the Treasury Department desired to sce him. “On entering the drawing-room the congressman said: “Well, what's up now “ ‘Good news, sir!’ exclaimed the office-seeker, in great excitement. ‘I think you can get that place. A clerk in the Treasury Department died this after. noon.’ ""—Harper's Weekly. HE HAO TIME TO SPARE. George Washington, colored, had been so often punished for robbing hen-roosts without showing signs of reformation that the citizens decided to give him notice to leave. So George was found and brought before a special committee of twelve, stand- ing in front of the postoffice. His imagination con- jured all sorts of dangers, ard he was trembling like a leaf. “George,” said the mayor, sternly, “you have just twelve hours to get out of town.” Gcorge’s teeth chattered. “Well, have you anything to say to it the mayor, sternly. ‘uthin’, boss,” said George, “'cep'in’ you gem: mens kin jes’ gib me credit fer eleven hours an’ fifty: nine minutes!” And he was Times-Demoerat, * inquired off like a streak.—New Orleans “Do you know of the only Irishman who ever committed suicide?’ asked W. B. Pollard, of Jersey City, who was at the Fifth Avenue Hotel last night “You know it is said that Irishmen never commit suicide, and when the argument was advanced in a crowd of that nationality he was so unstrung that he decided to show his opponents that Irishmen do sometimes commit a rash act. He accordingly dis appeared, and the man who employed him Sarted a search. When he got to the barn he looked up toward the rafters and saw his man hanging with a rope around his waist. “ ‘What are you up to, Pat?’ he asked. Oi'm hanging meself, begobs!” the Irishman ‘Why don’t you put it around your neck?” Faith, Oi did, but Oi couldn't braythe,’ was the unsmiling reply of the man from the Emerald Isle."— Loussville Courier-Journal, Lire is for sale by all Newsdealers in Great Britain, The International Company, Bream's Building, Chancery Lane, London, E. C., England, AGENTS. WILSON WHISKEY That’s All! All Want the Best in everything. In whiskey you get it in Hunter Baltimore Rye Sold at all first-class cafes and by jobbers WM, LANAHAN & SOS, Baltimore, Md. comicbooks.com