Life — September 22, 1904 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

ek THE NORSK NIGHTINGALE. Ef yu ban wise, and ay s'pose yu ban, Yu know ‘bout Yeneral Sheridan; Hut maybe yu ant remember the day Ven he yump on horse, and den he say, ‘Ay'm yust about twenty-six miles away!" Some rebel fellers ban start big row In Vinchester—ay ant know yust how, But ay tenk dey yump on some Yankee guys And trying to give dem gude black eyes! So Yeneral Sheridan hear dese guns, And drank some coffee and cat some buns, And tal dis har landlord, “Gude-by, Yack! Ay skol paying my bill ven ay com back!” Den he ride so fast that sune he say, “Vall, now ay ban saxteen miles away!” Dese cannons ban roaring gude and loud — It ban tough game for dis Yankee crowd. And Lieut. Olson he tal his pal: “Ay tank we ban due to run lak hal So dey start to run, or else retreat— Dis ban noder name for gude cold feet, And dey run so fast sum dey can go, Lak Russians luring dese Yaps, yu know. “Yee whiz!” say Sheridan, “Yump, old hosst Ay tenk my soldiers get double cross! An’ spo'se yure hoofs getting purty sore, But ve only got ‘bout sax miles more!” Val, Yeneral Sheridan meet his men, And he say, “It’s now yust half-past ten. Ay hope ay skol never go to heaven Ef dese Rebel Svedes ant licked by elever Yust turn around, now, in yure track— Com on, yu fellers! Ve're going back!” And yu bet yure life dey vent back, tu, And put gude crimp in dis Rebe! crew. But soldiers ban careless sons of guns, And the yeneral never settled for buns! Milwaukee Sentinel, Sexatox Jim Fax had two marked characteristics —<conomy and love of joking. He never forgot frugality in his extensive business, and he even made his own econcmy a subject for humor. Once while puttering around over the Comstock he slipped and started feet first down a deep, narrow shaft. There was a long, continuous wooden ladder reaching to th: bottom, with its every twelfth rung of iron to strengthen the structure. Down this he sped. “When T found myself sliding down toward the center of the earth,” said the Senator, who used to enjoy telling the story, “I thought it was time to begin doin’ something. So I commenced to grab at the Mrs, Bug: TO TAKE OFF YOUR HAT TO HER A Laby nuG? WILLIE, WHENEVER YOU FASS 1 WANT YOU DON'T YOU KNOW sHE's ladder rungs. As I went down I broke every single one of them wooden sticks. This checked the speed of my fall, and I landed “bout a thousand feet below, badly shook up, but not hurt. “But what did you do when you came to the iron rungs?" he was asked “Oh, T just skipped ‘em. Couldn't afford to break ‘em. Wood was cheap, but iron was then durned dear on the Comstock."—San Francisco Call. HE WAS WILLING. “T don’t want to speak to you again about your reckless expenditure of money,” said the stern parent, “AML right, dad,” replied the incorrigible youth, “Hereafter it will be up to you to hand out the ecig and say nothing.”"—Chicogo Daily News. Mus, Rosert J. Burverre was talking one day about the white ribbon that is the sign of total abs rence There are some persons,” said Mrs. Burd “who don't wear the white ribbon with sincerity, ‘They wear it, perhaps, about as hypocritically worn by an employee of a certain brewer, “This employee, after years of dissipatic peared one day at the brewery with the white ribbon on his breast. Nothing was said to him, and he wore the ribbon for some months. ‘Then one day the head of the firm, happening to notice the man's badge, approached him. “Why, Frank,’ he said, ‘it is strange to sce yox, a brewer, wearing the white ribbon.’ ‘It’ does look strange, sir,’ the man admitted ‘Well,’ said the brewer, ‘why do you do it” “Tt is like this,” said the workman. ‘I wear the ribbon because it makes men like to tempt me; and when I'm tempted I succumb, sir."—Baltimore Herold Sit was Stxator “Joe” Biacksury’s politeness was dis. astrous to him upon one occasion. He was making a trip to the mountains in the eastern part of Kentucky, and made his stopping-place a farmhouse at a remote point from the city. On the day of his arrival be was rather late for dinner, and the lady of the house apologized for the coffee, which at that time was luke warm, “Oh, I do not mind it in the least, madam: said Senator Blackburn; “I really prefer my coffee cold, you know." It was served cold during the re mainder of his two weeks’ stay.—Argonaut. Fixst passenger, promenading on the deck of liner in midocean, to second passenger, leaning dis consolately against the rail: “Have you dined?” Seccnd passenger, dejectedly: “On the com trary."—Harper's: Weekly. Do express trains stop here? Only fer railway STRANGER: hic HANK (station agent): officials an’ train-robbers.—Ex. Live is for sale by all Newsd Company, Bream’s Buil alers in Great Britain. The International News 1g Chancery Lane, London, E. C., England, AcEsTs. WILSON WHISKEY That’s All! Southwestern Limited—Best Train for Cincinnati and St. Louis—NEW YORK CENTRAL. comicbooks.com A Box of $4.00. $1.50. Dainty Verse and Pictures. A handsome box containing Taken from LIFE, in red leather and gold. Rhymes and Roundelays, jo geen leather and gold, In Merry Measure, in dark blue leather and gold. Price of each volume, ESTERBROOKS Steel Pens Sold Everywhere The Bost Pens Made