Life, 1904-09-15 · page 15 of 20
Life — September 15, 1904 — page 15: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
The page contains two distinct pieces of satire: **"Sonnets of Schooldays"**: A deliberately misspelled, phonetically-written poem mocking both bad student poetry and pupil crushes. A boy watches his crush get beaten by a teacher, feels helpless due to his small size, then rejoices when the teacher beats him too—so he shares her suffering. It's satirizing overwrought romantic sentiment and schoolboy melodrama. **"Blessings" and "Military"**: These sections satirize imperial justifications for violence. They mock the Dutch colonial military in Sumatra for killing native women and children (hidden shields for combatants), sarcastically calling this "extending civilization." The satire attacks how imperial powers rationalize atrocities and how military budgets are justified through appeals to "efficiency"—suggesting that actual military unpreparedness better prevents foolish wars than expensive readiness. The palette-shaped illustration at top appears decorative rather than directly illustrative of the text.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
DAUBSON MAY HE Sonnets of Schooldays. SONNET OF THE MARTYRDOM OF LOVE. hadd stoan broozes ann thee hives ann ive Bin stungg bi beeze wile playen neer thare hive ann wunst i fel down {rum ann appul tree Ana broak mi koller boan ann skint mi nee butt neaver felt uz bad uz yessturde wenn teecher wippt mi gurl fur somethin shee Hadd dun in skool, i thott ikoodunt stand itt wenn he slapt thatt rooler on hur hand ann wenn shee kride wi every ter shee shedd Woz like a hott kole fallen on mi hedd. O wenn u luv a gurl like i luv hur ann see hur getten wippt ure eyes awl blur ann u just wusht ure bigg enuf too taik thee teecher bi thee koller ann just braik Hiz rooler on ure nee ann tell him heez Ure prizzener ann go down on his neez Ann ast hur parrdun, butt u are to smal too lick thee teecher ann too help hur. Awl tt u kan doo is gritt ure teath ann pray gro enuf too hammur him sumday. but yessturde i gott rite up wenn heez \ wippen hur ann i sez too him pleez woant u wipp me ann lett hur go, Ann he okt funy att me ann sez surtenly ile wipp u iff u want itt sur. ann thenn He wippt us boath, O i wuz hapy wean A FLIRT AND A POOR PAINTER, BUT HIS HEART'S IN HIS WORK. i noo thatt i wuz sharen awl hur pane. uno a hearo is sumtimes insain butt thay gett curridge frum thare luv ann taik thare plais like marturs att a firey steak. 7 WP Blessings. T is now made officially to appear, what was shrewdly suspected all along, that the Dutch troops in Su- matra killed native women and chil- dren because they could not do other- wise. The native men had hidden be- hind the women and children, and there was no way left to extend the blessings of civilization to the former except through the latter, Of course the day is long past when chivalry will be suffered to set the limit to philanthropy. ‘The report that the Dutch are ex- tending dumdum blessings, which mushroom and mutilate unnecessarily, is naturally not believed, Where Anglo-Saxons have found the native too much inclined to dodge the blessings of civilization, they have lashed him to the mouth of their can- non, But no candid person will blame the Dutch because they are not Anglo- Saxons, Military. ENERAL H. C. CORBIN, whose business is war, is doubtless cor- rect in saying that no reduction in military expenditure can be made save at the cost of a reduction in military efficiency. Others, whose business is paying tay will be likely to reflect that military inefficiency has prevented more wars than military efficiency ever won, and that there is nothing like unpreparedness to forestall some kinds of foolishness. Oracles say, Carpe diem; that is, pluck to-day. Wherefore? In order that a few vain men may plume themselves, and a few prudent men feather their nests? comicbooks.com