Life — September 8, 1904 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

240 Our Fresh-Air Fund. d ++ $6325.95 40-00 9.00 Previously acknowledged... Miss M. Taylor and Miss J. Gillespie In Memory of ** Laury" Cash Ray, C : In Loving Memory of G. H.C. IEC HEC aa caaginates 2.50 In Memory of F.W. J 10.00 Arthue M. Walker E. H.S.... FE. C. Van Glaho. LH L.P.D Entertainment, Co wan, N.Y... A Friend Cash.. 100.00 3-00 10.00 5.00 10.00 8.55 10.00 8 00 $6,644.00 An Exploded Reputation. M ETHUSELAH is firmly believed to have lived nine hundred years, and this has been so often held up to his advantage, that it is high time the truth about Methuselah was known. As a matter of fact, Methuselah was a mere boy when he died, At that age some of our kindergarten graduates could have given him more valuable pointers than were dreamed of in his philosophy. This historical personage was born in a circus tent in the heart of the Ararat district. He learned all he ever knew in the first ten years of his life. All that followed after that was a repetition. Methuselah never went to kinder- garten, nor learned to cut automobiles out of red paper. He never attended dancing school, played golf or rode a wheel. He was fairly good on horse- back, but never attended a race in his life, and knew nothing of polo. Methuselah had no World's Fairs to educate him and pass away the time. He did not grow nervousin Wall Street, eat his lunch by putting a quarter in the slot, or go sixty miles an hour on an open road. . The length of a man's life is not measured by years, but by events. Methuselah is a back number, In one year we live longer than he did in his whole life. HE: Swectieart, would you’ mina changing to the other knee? Sue: No, darling, not if it will put any more spirit into you. *LUF.E# Where Are the Rubes ? ELF-SATISFIED people in London Make fun of the ones in New York ; New Yorkers say those in Chicago Will never eat pie with a fork; Chicagoans vow Philadelphia Is wrapped in the meshes of sleep; The Brotherly Lovers say Pittsburg Is tawdry and shallow and cheap. The people of Pittsburg grow merry When y St. Louis is making advances And growing in strength day by day ; St. Louis derides And thus it goes merrily down, Each place making light of the Reubens That hail from a smaller-sized town. one speaks of the w: incinnati— Bland City declares it is sorry For Perkinsville, quiet and old ; And Perkinsville thinks that Ray's Crossing Yields all of the rubes that are polled. Ray’s Crossing sits down by the station And renders its thanks unto fate That it is no Clifton—why, Clifton Is too small to stop any freight ! In Clifton they tell you of Pitchin Where people cut hair 4 la crock ; In Pitchin they gibe at Hoon Center As something too stagnant to mock. Hoon Center knows * greenies" who walk in From somewhere ‘in yander”; and they— The ones from “in yander” —will chuckle Of those who live further away. And so, we may trace it from London Clear down to ‘in yander,” and still The Reubens—the real ones—they tell us, We'll find over some other hill. The distance grows large or decreases In squares and in circles and cubes— From London clear down to ‘in yander" The question is: “ Where are the rubes ?” W. D. Nesbit. Kissing. SING first became prevalent in the Garden of Eden, where it w; practiced extensively the first year of married life. Afterwards it was in- troduced into New England and the Back Bay, thus becoming firmly es- tablished. Kissing issaid to be unsanitary, and i: directly responsible for several varieties of heart trouble. The two-women kiss is still promi- nent, It can be seen in the shopping district, on and off surface cars and trains and in the suburbs. $ demonstrative, and is gene conceal real feelin The honeymoon kiss is the longest GETTING BACK TO NATURE, known, often being on exhibition to the general public for weeks at a time. The married-life kiss fluctuates wide- ly, both in quantity and quality, and is apt to be one-sided. The back-parlor and the moonlight kisses are the sweetest. They require no previous preparation, are more en- joyable when simultaneous, and are generally repeated as often as de- sired, comicbooks.com