Life, 1904-09-08 · page 13 of 20
Life — September 8, 1904 — page 13: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains two satirical pieces about American politics and social hypocrisy, likely from the 1904 presidential election period. **Top section** mocks Dr. John Alexander Dowie (a religious figure) and debates about exclusive clubs, satirizing how the wealthy and poor define social status through club membership—each group wants what the other has, creating circular, pointless rivalry. **Bottom section** features three fictional Brigadier-Generals debating whom to support for president. Two promise loyalty to Theodore Roosevelt because he promoted them; the third declares for Parker (the Democratic candidate) with brutally honest reasoning: he's already secure, so he wants no part of Roosevelt's aggressive foreign policy or wars. He chooses "peace" over loyalty. The satire targets military officers' self-interested careerism and exposes the gap between professed gratitude/loyalty and actual self-preservation instincts—mocking how even those claiming principle simply follow personal advantage.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Clubs. R. DOWIE'S opinion that Bishop Potter is on the road to hell springs not unnaturally from the old conception which located hell at the center of the earth. Dr. Dowie is nothing if not orthodox, and easily confounds the Subway with the facéds est descensus Averni of Virgil and other theologians. If he has jumped at conclusions which the later latitudina- rianism will not altogether bear out, who shall wonder ? ‘The only reason the poor man has for wanting a club is that the rich man has. his club. ‘The only reason the rich man has for wanting a club is that a club is something a poor man can't have. If the poor man gets his club, the rich man will have no further use for his club, and as soon as the rich man has let his club go, the poor man will have -LIFE:- no further use for his club, And the last state of man will be better than the first. Dr. Dowie seems now and then to lose sight of the stubborn fact that many wretched souls haven't the price of a ticket via Zion City, Ill, and that for these some cheaper way tosalvation has got to be opened up. Knew What He Wanted. F was midnight in Washington. Three Brigadier-Generals were dis- cussing the situation. “Gadzooks,” quoth Brigadier-Gen- eral No, 1—for it was indeed he— “the question is who shall we vote for? Iam a gentleman by birth and breeding. Theodore has done the handsome thing by me. He has pro- moted me over the heads of the regular I owe him something.” ‘0 do I,”’ remarked Brigadier-Gen- LITERATURE. 247 eral No. 2—for it was indeed he—“1 owe Teddy my place. I shall vote for him also,"” “TI shall not vote for him!’ said Brigadier-General No. 3—for it was in- deed he. The other two Brigadier-Generals sprang to their feet. “What !'" they exclaimed. “ Traitor ! Would you go back on the hand that has raised you? “Even so,” remarked Brigadier- General No, 3, sententiously. ‘* Me for Parker.” . His companions faced him. “Your reason!’’ they demanded, with vicarious strenuosity. “This,” replied Brigadier-General No, 3. ° ‘I've got there, haven't 1? My position is assured, And now, do you suppose I want to get mixed up in any war? Never. Me for peace, every time!" comicbooks.com