Life, 1904-08-18 · page 12 of 22
Life — August 18, 1904 — page 12: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
**Main Illustration & "Heart to Heart Talks":** The large illustration depicts a well-dressed man standing among three labeled vessels: "Private Stock," "Sham," "Trust," and "Stock." The accompanying article by Charlie Shipbuilder Swab addresses children, using the man's success as an example. He claims to have become "president of the Steal Trust" through virtue—an ironic statement suggesting he actually built wealth through dubious means. The satire targets wealthy industrialists who publicly claim moral virtue while their business practices ("stealing," trusts, sham dealings) are predatory. **Bottom Jokes:** Three brief satirical quips follow: one about cedar seeders, one about auto casualties, and one about divorce eligibility. These are unrelated to the main cartoon, offering quick social commentary on contemporary topics. The overall page satirizes Gilded Age business ethics and hypocritical wealthy moralizing.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
*LIFE- Heart to Heart Talks. By Cuaruie Suipsuitper Swas. ear Children: It gives me great pleasure to come before you to-day and tell you how I made my great success, because, if you start early enough, each one of you may, if you only will, avoid doing the same thing. Dear little ones, when I started out in life, I was so smart that I could have been almost anything I wanted to be. I could have been a bunco- steerer, a gambler, an embezzler, a common swindler. Instead of this, I became president of the Steal Trust. ‘Thus you see that, in the end, virtue triumphs. There are many lessons that you can, if you will, learn from the story of my life. When I was young and innocent like you, I had an idea that if a man made all his money before he was forty, he might lose it all afterwards. But now I know that he can still keep enough to be uncomfortable on. Learn also, dear little boys and girls, to cover your tracks. If you are bound to cut a wide swath, don’t let your tracks rise up afterwards, A man who starts out on a successful financial career with a long line of embossed tracks behind him will know better by the time his ships begin to come in. Remember also, dear little ones, not to acquire a checkered career too early in life. The one my friend John Rockefeller has fits him admirably, and they say is very becoming, but I got mine too young to look well. If you must havé a check- ered career, wait until fifty before itis finished and widely advertised, Other- wise there will be quite a long period when you won't have anything to do. But if you get a checkered career after you are fifty, you will be old enough then to rest on your laurels all the rest of your life. And now I must go off and begin life over again. Rather Seedy. FARMER had a seeder for the sowing of his seed. ‘Twas a seeder made of cedar, and said I, “Pray, is there need Of a seeder made of cedar?” Said the farmer, * Yes, indeed ! Thev never seed a seeder, sir, that I'd con- cede the speed To exceed a cedar seeder for the scedin’ of the seed.” PB. “ ANOTHER chap killed by an auto,”" “A pedestrian—or was it an acci- dent?" Easy. 'S he every way cligible?"" ‘Almost, All he needs is a “Wart until fifty.” divorce from his present wife." comicbooks.com