Life — August 4, 1904 — page 30: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

do drink, drin . PCAN you A; k Trimbye » VEGETARIANISM AND VICE, If men would swear off eating beef, "Tis casy to foresee 2” would come to grief would cease to be. —The Tis story is told of a Washington school: prin- cipal who was trying to make clear to his class the fundamental doctrines of the Declaration of Inde- “Fly not yet; ‘tis just the hour pendence: . . When pleasure, like the midnight “Now, boys,” he said, “I will give you each a three ordinary buttons, Here they are. You must sower think of the first one as representing Life, of the Begins to bloom. second one as representing Liberty, and the third one presenting the Pursuit of Happiness, Next Sun- y I will ask you each to produce the three buttons and tell me what they represen The following Sunday, in accordance with his plan, the teacher interrogated his class on the subject of the buttons e— ow, Johnnie,” he said to the youngest mem: oS Whiskey ber, “produce your three buttons and tell me what oral y they stand for.” Whereupon the youngster began to ‘ : Green Label. weep. AT ALL FIRST-CLASS DEALERS, “T ain't got‘ “he sobbed, holding out two of the buttons. “s Life an’ here's Liberty, but mommer sewed the Pursuit o' Happiness on my faster ds Wests WASSERMANN BROTHERS ||| MORTON TRUST COMPANY A rourtictax, upon his arrival at one of the small BANKERS AND BROKERS 38 NASSAU STREET, NEW YORK towns in North Dakota, where he was to make a speceh the following day, found that the two so- |] a7 William St, and 4o Exchange Ptace, New York ||| Capital, - - - $2,000,000 alled hotels were crowded to the doors. sw Net baying telegraphed for sccoramodstlaai, ibe New York Stock Exchange Surplus and Undivided Profits, $6,000,000 politician discovered that he would have to make shift Members of 4 New York Coffee Exchange OFFICERS: as best he could. Chicago Board of Trade Lert P. Morton, President, HM, Francie, Secretary . ‘homas F. Ryad, VicePrea Caries A. Coaant, Treasurer, ile was compelled for that night to sleep on a . Charles HE Allen, ViewPrenT, B Minabian, Amt Treassrvt, wire cot which had only some blankets and a sheet BRANCH OFFICES: James K. Corbiére, Vice-Prea, If, B. Berry, Trust Oflicer. on it. As the statesman is a fat man, he found his Astor Court (Waldorf-Astoria Hotel). ae improvised bed anything but comfortable. Windsor Arcade, corner 46th St, and 5th Ave, Couasels ELIHU ROOT “Well,” asked a friend, when the politician ap- Imperial Hotel. EXECUTIVE COMMITTEE : peared in the dining-room in the morning, ‘how did Fifth Avenne Hote}, Levi P. Morton James N. Jarvie you sleep? Café Martin, Fifth Ave, and 26th St. Tuomas 7 Ryan a George. Bostec Peabody “Oh, fairly well,” replied the statesman, non- Ocean Avenue, West End, N. J., during Sammer G. G. Haven Jacob II. Schir chalantly, “but I looked like a waffle when I got up.” || months. Harry Payne Whitney Youth's Companion, Parke: Anyone with you to keep you from being lonesome while your family was in the country? Paoresson Wittiam James, of Harvard, is very popular with the more intelligent and studious of the A Book of Verse undergraduates. When these young men, however, make rash or bold or unbecoming assertions, he does not hesitate to take them down. Not long ago, a By TOM MASSON sophomore aired some rather atheistical views before Professor James. “You,” the latter said, “are a free Wit ILLustraTions BY thinker, I perceive. You believe in nothing.” “I y believe—haw—what I can understand,” the soph: GIBSON, GILBERT, BLASHFIELD and others nore replied. “It comes to the same thing, I sup? | , * -_ pose,” said Professor James.—Argonaut. | A Tasteful Little Book in Two Bindings ou Tniow Janel, whe wae Gap w@ ER? Blue Leather and Gold, $1.50: Boards, 75 Cents Well, he died the other day and the only thing he | left was an old Dutch clock.” “Well, there's one good thing about it; it won't be | . is " , much trouble to wind uj his/ estate. ‘ew Orleans “The genial Tom Masson."—.Vew York Evening Post. Times-Democrat. “Clever."—New York Evening Sun. AvBORGIAG Auilise;p wile hen: Teidly Guroed to:play- “A veritable little gem."—Newark Daily Advertiser. writing, has not succeeded in impressing managers with . the availability of his productions. Not long ago, > 7 VE thinking to get some useful pointers from the current AN APPROPRIATE a I ae drama, he made an observation tour of the theatres. “Well,” he remarked to a friend at the end of the ANY, Thirt evening, “I seem to be the only man alive who can't LIFE PUBLISHING COMPANY, 17 West y Furst: Street; New, “dork get a poor play put on."—Harper's Weekly. | ** Just the mixture of satire and sentiment.”—Newark NV Copyright, 199, Lira comicbooks.com