Life — August 4, 1904 — page 20: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

120 Von Blumer’s New Auto. “A T last our happiness is complete."" There was a light of supreme joy in Von Blu- mer'seyes, there was gladness in his voice, there was a sup- pressed, but none the less real, attitude of unqualified satisfaction in his whole manner, as he spoke to his wife. “Yee, darlin: he continued —the word darling now being used by him only on rare occasions that demanded some unusual emphasis— ‘at last we canlive. I have bought an automobile.” Mrs. Von Blumer caught her breath, and raised her eyes in sudden surprise. * What !"" she exclaimed. ‘An automobile! Why, you told me you never would buy one—that they were always getting out of order, and were a source of endless trouble."* Von Blumer looked at his wife with superior condescension. “ Perfectly true,” he replied. ‘* More than true. What I have said about the automobile in general I still maintain. But, of course, I did not, at that time, know anything about the Roadrun."" “The Roadrun?"” “Yes, the Roadrun, By the merest chance, I was talking with a friend yesterday who has one of these in- imitable machines, and he took me out for a little spin. I experienced a sen- sation that I never had before. “You didnt break down once, or have anything happen?" “T should say not. That would be impossible with the Roadrun, which has none of the defects of the other inferior machines, and unites all their best qualities.” Mrs. Von Blumer sighed. “Thope,” she said, ‘that you have not believed too much.” Von Blumer smiled. ‘Fortunately,’ he replied, ‘this is not a question of belief, but one of personal observation, founded upon the laws of logic. Being of a mechanical turn of mind, I was able to demonstrate for myself in a few moments the abso- lute invulnerability of the Roadrun."’ “LIFE “You a mechanical turn of mind!"” exclaimed Mrs. Von Blumer. ‘ Why, I can't even get you to do the simplest thing about the house. I had to send for a plumber yesterday merely to put in a rubber washer.”” Von Blumer rose, His pride had been touched. ‘There was pity in his voice—-pity for one who had hitherto so far misunderstood him. “*My dear,” he said, “I do not, of course, expect that you will appreciate all those sides to my mind that you are ignorant of. My time is a trifle too valuable, I hope, to fritter away as a man of all work about a house, But when it comes to mechanics, when it comes to logical adjustment of intricate machinery, that's where I live! It is true that I've never had much actual experience, but with a Roadrun I don't need it. My natural mechanical mind will now have a chance to give me a source of recreation that I have long been in need of.” ‘When is this automobile coming ? ' queried Mrs. Von Blumer. Von Blumer took out his watch in much the same manner as if he were timing a race-horse. “It will be here,"’ he replied, ‘in just two hours. It is waiting for me now at the station, ten miles away. I shall be there in an hour. It will take me fifteen minutes to start and three- quarters of an houron the way. Ex pect me, therefore, at three o'clock, “You are not going to run it home yourself, are you?" “IT most certainly am. At one minute of three you will hear the toot of a horn in the distance. Thirty seconds later you will hear the rhyth- mical vibration of one of the smoothest running machines in the market, and at precisely on the hour we shall be face to face once again. And so, au revoir.” He was gone. And Mrs, Von Blumer, expectant, but a trifle uneasy, went about her household duties with a feel- ing of suspense. Half past two came, quarter of three, five minutes of three, then three, three-fifteen, three-thirty, four, and five. What could have happened? Had her unfortunate husband been run over? Had he met his death at some lonely roadside? Almost beside herself with anxiety, she walked the floor, There was nothing to do put wait, as Von Blumer had given her no address. Suddenly there was a sound in the distance—a horn. She flew to the window. Down the road came a huge affair of red paint and brass lamps in front, and behind it, linked by a rope, was a smaller affair built on the same pattern. Inthe smaller one sat erect the single figure of a man—her husband, Before she could get out to him the cortege stopped in front of the house, the rope was cast off, and Von Blumer had waved his thanks to his land tug- boat, “What Aas happened?” said Mrs. Von Blumer, breathlessly. ‘I was worried to death about you, Is this the automobile you said would never break down?” Von Blumer, hypnotized by his new purchase, did not reply. He got out and stood silently by his wife’s side. Then, at last, he swept it with a gesture, as he said : “Isn't ita dream ?"’ “If it's going to act like that, and has to be towed around by other peo- ple,’’ said Mrs. Von Blumer, ‘I should say that it was a nightmare. What és the matter with it, any , Von Blumer laughed. “Nothing,” he replied, ‘‘ absolutely nothing. It was all in the batteries, They have, understand, nothing to do with the machine. “ But if they have nothing to do with the machine, what do you have them for?” “‘What I mean is this—they are not a part of the machine. ‘They are fur- nished by some one else. Wehave two sets of them, you understand, so in case one set doesn't work, the other will.”” “And they both—” “Now wait. In this particular in- stance, owing to the utter idiocy and diabolical stupidity of some fellow who put 'em in—wait till I get hold of him! —the wires were uncovered, and that made a short circuit. Of course, the batterics exhausted themselves. They gave out on me when I was three miles away. But, you understand, they have nothing to do with the machine it- self. I'll simply telephone for a new set, have ‘em put right in, and away we'll go.” “* How did you know about this?’’ “Why, that fellow in the machine comicbooks.com