Life — July 14, 1904 — page 38: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

T §ASGORS A Nelly IN THE CiTY OF — the driver lashed the horses into a gallop, and the spirited animals tore along the street, the carriage narrowly escaping an upset as it bumped over the crossings, banged against other ve- hicles, and turned sharp corners. Presently the hue and cry grew fainter in the distance, and the driver tried to slow down, A policeman came to his assistance, horses were stopped. “Phwat’s the matter?" the harses runnin’ away? “It’s all right, policeman,” said a man inside the carriage,-thrusting a pale face out through the side door. “This is a wedding party. We were escaping from a mob of crazy women.”—Chicago Tribune. Frenzied with fear, and the " asked the officer, Was. who invited his flock once a year to supper in the school-room, intrusted his handy man with the delivery of the invitation cards. A day ‘or two before the function his reverence found the faithful fellow sitting by the roadside in an advanced state of hilarity. “Good gracious, Jenkins, w “I'm dud—dud—drunk, si “So it seems. How did you get i ing state?" “It’s all along o’ them cards, sir. T takes round, and thig ‘un asks me to drink summat, an’ that ‘un asks me to drink summat, and so I gets like this. “Why, this is terrible! ance people in the parish?” “Lor’, yes, sir, lots of ‘em: but I send their cards by post!"—Philadelphia Public Ledger. A country vicar, it does this mean?” 0 this shock: ‘em Are there no “temper: Lire is for sale by all Newsdealers in Great Britain, A younc woman but recently married was the victisy of a good joke on one of the uptown streets a few days since. She is extremely youthful looking, and at the time she was sweeping the sidewalk she did not look to be over 15 years old. A fussy old lady came along and smiled sweetly on the young and then said: Lovely day, isn’t it?” Beautiful,” was the reply. “Do you know where I could get a good girl?" woma| “THAT SAINT LOUIE SHOW AIN'T KNEE-HIGH TO OUR COUNTY FAIR." “Not exactly, but there is an employment agency just above here.” “Do you like your position here?" queried the old lady. “Pretty well,” was the reply. “How many in the family?” “Only one besides me.” “Who is he? “He's my husband.” ‘Good-morninj ood-morning!"—Albany Journal. MARY. Mary sat upon a pin But showed no perturbation; For some of her was genuine, But most was imitation. —Sphing, Loxe-Tattzp Doc: Don't you get tired of even lastingly wagging that little stump of yours? Stumr-Tanep Doc: No; it fecls just as if the tail was all there, and I get just as much fun out of the exercise 28 you do, with a good deal less werk Chicago Tribune. Juvcixe by Russia's official list of losses, she must have had a whole lot of men whose disappew. ance does not constitute a loss.—The Philadelphis North American. As there is a law against burying in the city of Albasy, the Bishop had to have a special act of Legislature to te buried in the Cathedral. He was successful in having the act pass the lawmakers, but his friends were astounded asf worried when they read its text. It began with the ural verbiage. ‘The ending was something like thi We do grant that Bishop Doanc be buried withia the precincts of the Cathedral at Albany. This act to take efec immediately." —L ippincot's Magazine Tus high-born dame was breaking in a new footmas— stupid but honest In her brougham, about to make a round of visits, she found she had forgotten her bits of pasteboard, So she sest the lout back with orders to bring some of her cards thit werojon the mantelpiece in her boudoir, and put then is his “pocket. Here and there she dropped one and sometimes a cocpie, uptifat last she told Jeames to leave three. “Can't do it, mum. “How's that?" “T've only got two left—the ace of spades and the seven of clubs !"—Sporting Times, The‘ International News Company, Bream’s Building, Chancery Lane, London, E. C., England, AGexts, WILSON WHISKEY That’s All! Perfection In Quality, Purity, Flavor Hunter Whiskey Sold at all Aratciam cafes and by Jobbere ‘WM. LANAHAN & SON, Haltimore, i “But They Always Break” 2 © Copyright, 1903, Lire $1.00 postpaid LIFE PUBLISHING COMPANY The Egyptian Cigarette of Quality AROMATIC DELICACY-— MILDNESS— PURITY 17 West 31st Street, New York CENTURY LIMITED 20-Hour Train to Chicago. NEW YORK CENTRAL and LAKE HOw comicbooks.com