Life — June 23, 1904 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

‘LIFE. 613 you don't do it right; and that, if you did it right, you'd be doing it wrong. V. That, generally speaking, you are an Ar idiot, have no idea of what is good for you, are frightfully ignorant of your own affairs, and sadly in need of some of your Adviser's Wisdom, The mottoes of the Society are ‘I Am!" and ‘Butt In!” Old members state that since the discovery of Yellow Journalism and the Modern Reporter, the burdens of mem- bership have vastly increased, but so have its pleasures, and never has been in a more flourishing condition. Henry Waldorf Francis. Going Abroad for Rest and Quiet. IRST DAY OUT.—Befogged inside the Narrows. Fog- horn and siren going unceasingly. Passengers aroused at midnight by detectives looking for absconding bank sident. In collision with incoming steamship at 5 A.M. Panic among passengers, but no damage done. Finally passed Sandy Hook fifteen hours late. conn Day Ovut.—Severe storm. Fat lady thrown across saloon and three ribs broken. Twins born in steer- age. First issue of ship's daily newspaper. Sensational fall in stocks. Discovery of two stowaways smothered in hold. Fog-horn going at intervals. Tuirp Day Ovur.—Narrow escape from collision with iceberg. Storm abating. Second issue of daily newspaper. Further fall in stocks. Passengers insisting upon sending orders to brokers by wirel Excitement upon learning that transmitter will not carry so far, Stout man with red face particularly violent. Poker game started. Fovrtu Day Out.—Perfect weather. Thirteen small boys appear on deck. Maiden lady nervous and talka- tive. Efforts to organize concert for families of stowaways. “IR, BILLSON, HERE'S YOUR BUST.” The Great S. F. M. 0. P. B. a HE Society for Minding Other People’s Business" is the oldest and greatest in the world. It is supposed. to have come into existence with Eve, and has increased as rapidly as the population. Its only initiation fee is the ex- pense of being born. Only one woman is said to have never belonged to it, and she was deaf, dumb, blind and paralyzed. Two members constitute a quorum, and meetings are held every minute of the daily twenty-four hours, there being no recess or vacation season. ‘The principal objects of the Society are: 1. To ruin reputations. Il. For members to tell other members more of their affairs than they know themselves. The discoveries of the Society in this direction exceed any other line of research. III, To promote ill-temper, general discomfort, murder and divorce, and rob death of its terrors. IV. To prove to you that, no matter how you do a thing. COMMUNING WITH THE DEMOCRATIC JACKASS, comicbooks.com