Life, 1904-04-07 · page 16 of 41
Life — April 7, 1904 — page 16: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains three separate satirical pieces mocking early 1900s social trends: **"A Dollar Reason"** (Bolton Hall): Satirizes taxation debates by showing a "taxation crank" offering a dollar for good reasons to tax productive citizens. The joke: when a man finally claims it with the honest answer "We don't know any better," the crank admits defeat—suggesting taxation lacks rational justification. **"On Her Boa"** (Felix Carmen): A poem satirizing fashion and courtship. It plays on the double meaning of "boa" (the fashion accessory AND the snake), with sexual innuendo about a man wanting to be the "beau-constrictor" around his romantic interest. **"The Schoolboy of 1905"**: The harshest satire. It mocks contemporary health obsession and germ theory hysteria by depicting a school entrance exam requiring children to prove they've been sterilized, inoculated, pasteurized, and disinfected to absurd extremes. The final requirement—making a will and sitting in an "insulated seat"—suggests this overcautious medicalization is actually deadly.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
A Dollar Reason. HE taxation crank used to hold up a dollar to his audiences, and say, will give this dollar to any- one who will give a good reason why you tax a man proving his lot ¢ it idle."” When the audience asked who was to judge the goodness of “The man who gives the reason shall be Still nobody ned the dollar, till one night a said, “1 the reason, he would the judge himself.” can give a good “Give a good reason why you an more than or im land doing , what is your reason ? “We don't know any better, said the man. “Here is your dollar.” Bolton Hall. * IS fact: they ? no, But he is so intere: t you would rather believe he tells you than to know the truth.”’ ot reliable, are ‘* BECAUSE YOU LEFT ME ALL THESE EASTER EGGS,” On Her Boa. HAT kind of boa does she wear? I leave you to determine: Of silver fox, or sable rare, Of Persian lamb, or ermine My only thought is of its grace, How well it fits and neatly, And how, close to her rosy face, It binds her neck completely. Of all strange creatures in the Ark Preserved for us by Noah, ‘The reason is extremely dark Why he retained the Boa; For most of us to-day believe All snakes to be descended From that smart one that tempted Eve ‘And Eden’s garden ended. A beau—a boa—'twas ‘To Eve in the F O, that the two m fe L enjoyed an ining! The proverb tells us that the spoils Go always to the victor, So, were Myrtilla in the I'd be the beau-constrictor! Felix Carmen. The Schoolboy of 1905. CHER: you bring with you a disinfected Sterilized Stephen, do certificate of birth, baptism and suc- cessful nation? “Yes, ma’am."" “Have you had your lower left fore- arm inoculated with correct chole serum?" “Yes, ma’am.” “Have you had your vermiform ap- pendix removed ?" “Yes, ma‘am."" ‘Have you a Pasteurized certificate of immunity from croup, cold feet and cholera morbus?"” “Yes, ma'am. “Do you promise for yourself, your heirs and assigns, for all ages, sterilized milk?" AST do,!* “Do you solemnly covenant to soak your slate in sulphur fumes ?"" “T promise.” “Will abjure every companion that sniffles ? “T abjure.” “ Do you promise to use an antiseptic slate sponge and confine yourself to in- dividual chewing gum ? (Sadly) ‘Yes, ma’am.” “Then extract that one remaining milk tooth, tie a formaldehyde bag ‘round your neck, and make your will. Come to-morrow and you will be signed an insulated seat in this Sani tary Schoolhouse.”* comicbooks.com