Life — March 10, 1904 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

OOBBIN'S DESPAIR I have no differential clutch And no pneumatic tire; I guess I don't amount to much. For none come to admire My form or speed—I have no cam; And, to my deep remorse, I must confess I only A one horsepower horse ‘They used to stroke my sorrel side And tell bow I could go, To-day they speak in tones of pride Of some bright red tonneau. But, though my sorrow is so great And anger is so keen, I'm glad to bave a chance to state I don't eat gasolene I don't know how to carburet, Nor how to radiati When I wished to get up and get I simply struck my gait ‘Tis true, in casting out the beam For fairness I should try— But “lectric, gasolene The “mote” is in my eye! steam, I have no wondrous steering gear— But still they rush to se A thing that has, I'm pained to hear, A borscless pedigree. ‘They used to pet me all the time, But now they only shrug Their shoulders, and pass by, for I'm A poor old sparkless plug! Chicago Tribune, REPRESENTATIVE Griccs, of Georgia, is a ra- conteur who doesn't mind telling a joke on himself. “When I was prosecuting attorney of Bartlett County,” sald Mr. Griggs, according to The Wash- inyton Post, “an old fellow, not of much account, but a great friend of mine, was Indicted for lar- ceny. He came to see me and protested, but I told him I must do my duty to the State “Well, the case came to trial and ‘Jim’ had no Lire ts for sale by all Company, Bream's Building, Chancery Lane, London, B.C. counsel. The judge looked at him severely over bis spectacles, and said: “‘Mr. Brown, you are charged with a very grave e. I think you had best secure an at- torney. “Old ‘Jim’ got up with a preternatural gravity, and addressed the court and me. “Your honor,’ he said, ‘ I love the old State of Georgy. On one of these old red hills I first seen the light of day, and when I die I hope to lay my tired old bones down right here. For no considera+ fe AY Mr. Bird; TORRE, JENNIE, 1 TOLD You WE DIDN'T COME NORTH A BIT TOO SOON, DON'T YOU SE THE BACK: BONE OF WINTER 1S BROKEN? tion would I take advantage of the good old State." “Here he looked hard at me, the State's at- torney, “So, your honor, unti] the State of Georsy gets a lawyer I don’t expect to hire one,’ he added, and sat down. “Needless to ism with freedom. y we rewarded Brown's patriot- WILSON ‘ewadeaters in Great Britain. The International News ngiand, AGENTS. THE UNSELFISH ELEPHANT. The story is still told by circus men of a cere tain big elephant that did something worthy of be- ing immortalized. A little girl and her father had ene day been looking at him admiringly. In the little girl's lunch basket were a couple of oranges, and her father asked ber if it wouldn't be nice, w, to give that poor old elephant one of therm The suggestion appealed at once and strongly; and forthwith the biggest orange was handed over. The elephant tock it in bis “band” with a befittiog undulation, But having relished for a moment the joys of being generous, the smile began gradually to dis- appear from that small girl's face. Her nether lip dropped down, and suddenly she went off into a gathering wail. “Dut—but now, 1 want it backs it back But, don’t you see, dearie, you can't get it back now? It’s too late.”* “No, it ain't, neither! He ain't et it yet" “No, no, now—you just come along with me “I won't—I won't come along!—I want my orange back!” Her cries of woe became louder and louder It was a hopeless embarrassment. But that * old elephant” released them from it himself. Ile reached forward, and with dignity dropped that orange over the railing again! . . . In ¢ family, at least, there is a belief in pachyderm un- derstanding and self-sacrifice which no evidence to the contrary can ever shake. Of the group of keepers, however, who told that story, ene added an Mluminating explanatory nete, With elephants, it seems, oranges have never been any great “divarsion,” anyhow. But, almost no matter what an elephant is offered, he will ge erally take and hold it for a tme before finally making up bis mind to reject It—Saturday Evening Post IAI want JAMES SHEA, a popular young lawyer of Waxb- ington, D. C., recently had as a client a negro who was accused of stealing chickens. Things were go- ing in the darkey’s favor, until he was placed oa the stand. “Are you the defendant in this case?” asked the judge. “No, sir,” replied the negro, with an amazed look on his face, and pointing to bis counsel; “I'se the gen'leman that stole the chickens; there's the defendant.""—Argonant. ELFAST RAND Morgan’ WHISKEY —Eighty-one years of reputation made, and still building it. That’s All! 15° EACH ASK YOUR DEALER EMIGH &* STRAUB. MAKERS, Established 1860 150 Varieties Esterbrook’s Stee! Pens Sold Everywhere The Best Pens Made IF IN HASTE TAKE THE NEW YORK CENTRAL. comicbooks.com