Life, 1903-12-31 · page 13 of 21
Life — December 31, 1903 — page 13: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
**The main cartoon** depicts a colonial-era scene where a missionary from the Hudson region is served "à la Newburg" (a luxurious seafood dish)—a dark joke suggesting cannibalism of missionaries by indigenous peoples. This reflects period attitudes toward colonial encounters and "savages." **The text pieces** are satirical vignettes on contemporary American life: - **"Christmas Still in Commission"** defends maintaining Christmas traditions against progressive critics who viewed holidays as economically wasteful. - **"Features"** makes light observations about facial features and their social uses—eyes for glasses, mouths for eating and talking, noses for pronouncing French. - **"The Danger of Being Alive"** is sardonic advice listing how virtually every food and drink causes illness, mocking health-conscious theorists of the era. - **"Education" and "After"** are brief jokes: one about education producing criminals; the other about how men's courtship compliments become bill-paying after marriage. The page reflects early-20th-century American satirical humor targeting social conventions, health fads, and marital dynamics.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
wf hat, Beton “THAT MISSIONARY, SIRE, 18 PROM THE REGION OP THE UUDSON.” “THEN HAVE IM SERVED A LA NEWBUROU.” Christmas Still in Commission. sb, . aii ass a Gs (COBRISTMaSisdone and gone again, but we are glad we had it. It is creditable to us that we like it, but we wouldn't be human if we didn't. It is one of the redeeming features of humanity that it issohuman. With abundant temptation towards all the forms of superiority which are under- stood to occupy the regions of the higher thought, humanity—the bulk of it—keeps right on being human, living the life it is born to, accepting the sorrows, and profiting as much as it can by the joys, that come to hand. If humanity had been as progressive as some people would like to see it, Christmas would have been improved away long ago. Santa Claus would have been shown up for an impostor, the Christmas hymns would have been abolished by the higher critics, and the prematurely wise would have demon- strated effectively that holidays and gift-making were uneconomical and inconsistent with intelligent self-inter- est. But, happily, Christendom knows a@ good thing when it has gradually learned to see it, and sticks obstinately to what it knows is good. E. 8. Martin. Features. [HE features are useful in business to give a false impression of character. But they have their finer uses, too. For, after all, there is nothing quite like eyes to wear glasses on, or ears to hang the chain over. The mouth helps out amazingly with small talk, to say nothing of re- freshments, Finally, without the nose, it would be impossible for Americans to speak French. The Danger of Being Alive. NDER this heading the South- western World gives advice that should be heeded by theorists : Drink water and get typhold fever. Drink milk and get tuberculosis. Drink whiskey and get the jim-Jams. Eat soup and get Bright's. isease. Eat meat and encourage apoplexy. Fat oysters and acquire toxemia, Eat vegetables and weaken the system. Eat dessert and take to paresis, Smoke cigarettes and die early. Smoke clgarsand get catarrh. Drink coffee and obtain nervous prostration. Drink wine and get the gout, In order to be entirely healthy one must eat nothing, drink nothing, smoke nothing, and. even before breathing one should make care. that the air has been properly sterilized. a5 Y DUCATION is a great thing.” “ Yes, it turns out some mighty intelligent criminals.’’ After. GRE: Ah, you men! Before mar- riage you pay compliments, but after —— He: After? Why, after—we do better ; we pay bills. comicbooks.com