Life — September 17, 1903 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE VACATION THAT FAILED. Far from the madding throng’s ignoble strife He wished to go to hunt and fish and rest; Alas! poor man! he had a foolish wife, Who yearned to dazzle where the people dressed. Full many a gown her load of trunks contained, When, having made him yield, they went away; He thought of what was coming and was pained, She dreamed of dressing seven times a day. He grumbled at his fate and spoke of brooks Where speckled beauties waited to be caught, Where one might sit, regardless of bis looks, And wait for nibbles and indulge in thought She pictured to herself the charming place Where wide verandas spread and all was gay, Where she, arrayed in fluffy stuf and lace, Would till the other women with dismay. They reached the splendid scene in splendid style, He with a look that was distinctly sad; She with her head held high, a happy smile, And thinking of the finery she bad, At dinner next to him a woman sat, A woman who was young and passing fair; He seemed to find her well worth looking at, And oft their glances met and mingled there. Ere long the woodland from hig mind, He thought no more of roaring mountain brooks; The ladyZwas so sweet and so refined— ‘They talked about their travels and haunts passed £ books. What changeful creatures women are! Ere long His wife for woodland haunts began to wis! A-weary of the fasbionable throng, She packed her trunks and dragged him off to fish. Ab, man! Thou art forever tricked by Fate; Thou learnest joy and then it 1s denied; He sat there while the f\sh chewed off bis bait, And thought of other, gayer scenes and sighed. His wife, but little caring how she dressed, Was full of praises for the “sweet, pure alr,” And when she spoke about his “need of rest"— Alack! the wicked things he thought out there. —S. E. Kiser, in Chicago Record-Herata. “I noticen,” sald the druggist to bis assistant, “that a gentleman came in with a prescription, and that you took it and gave him the stuff in about three minutes, What do you mean by that?” “It was only a little carbolic acid and water,” SeISGORS AT WuLlat replied the assistant. “I simply had to pour a few achms of acid into the bottle and Mill it up with water.” “Never mind if you had only to do that,” the druggist declared. “Don't you know that every prescription must take at least half an hour to dis- pense or the customer will think he Isn't getting anything for hts money? “When a prescription for salt and water or peppermint and cough syrup is handed to you, you must look at it doubtfully, as if it were very hard to make up. Then you must bring it to me, and we will both read it and shake our heads. After that you go back to the customer and ask him if he wants it to-day. When he says he does, you answer that you'll make a special effort. ow, a patient appreciates a prescription that there has been so much trouble over, and when he takes it he derives some benefit from it. But don’t you do any more of that three-minute prescription business, my boy, if you want to become a first- class drugelst.”"—Exchange. Dr. GILLxsPie, the present Moderator of the Church of Scotland, tells how he was nonplussed, the other day, by a ragged urchin who declared he was alone in the world, bis father and mother bav- ing died some years ago. “Have you not a sister, then?" asked Dr. Gillespie. “L niver bad yin.” “But surely you have a brother?” “Yes, Dut he’s at Glasa College.” Well, cannot be spare some time from his studies to look after you a bit?” . sir," replied the urchin, mournfully, “for he was born wi’ two heids, and they keep him in a bottle.""—Argonaut. IT was well known in staggeringly high soct- ety that the beautiful Lady Violet had never been kissed before; and as, after a long. languorous em- brace, the athletic young Earl of Mountararat re- leased bis hold, she gazed up into bis love-lorn eyes and asked: “And do the poor indulge in this way, chéri?” “Quite frequently, little one,” the young earl replied. “Well, well, well! And do they experience the same sensations as we do, dear?” Absolutely.” “Dear, dear, dear! for the working classes Why, it's MUCH too good Sporting Times. Lire 1s for sale by all Newadealers in Great Britain, The International News A DIAGNOSIS OF KENTUCKY, Kentucky's bills are full of rills, And all the rills are lined with stills, And all the stills are full of gills, And all the gills are full of thrills, And all the thrills are full of kills. You see, the feudists dot the hills, And camp along the little rills, Convenient to the busy stills, And thirsting for the brimming gills, And when the juice his system fills Each feudist whoops around and kills, if they'd only stop the stills, '@ cure Kentucky's many Ills; Men would be spared to climb the hills And operate the busy stills, However, this would mean moro gills, And that, of course, would mean more thrills, Resulting in the same old kills. So all the bills and rills and stills, And all the gills and thrills and kills, Are splendid for the coffin mills, And make more undertakers’ bills. —Chicago Tribune. Two little girls were engaged in an antmated discussion as to the merits of their respective homes. “Well, anyway,” said one little maiden in a triumphant tone, “you may have more bedrooms than we bave, but we,bave more cream than you do. We have enough for our cereal every single morn- ing.” “Pooh!” said the other, “that's nothing. Wo own a Jersey cow, and we get a whole cowful of cream twice every day."—August Lippincott’s. Two Highlanders, being in Glasgow for the first time, were having a walk through the city. Turning a corner, they were much surprised to see a water-cart wetting the street. Not having seen anything of the kind before, Tougal, under a mis- taken {dea, ran after the cart, and cried to the driver: ‘Hey, man—hey, man, yer losin’ a’ yer water!" His friend, annoyed at Tougal’s want of know!- edge, ran after him, caught him by the arm, and sald, rather testlly: ‘Tougal, man, Tougal, dinna be showin’ yer ignorance. D'yer no see it's to keep the laddies off the back o° the cairt?"— Argonaut. Company, Bream's Botiding, Chancery y,,ne, London, FE. C., England, AGENts. ‘Established 1823, WILSON WHISKEY, That’s All! THE WILSON DISTILLING Co, Baltimore, Md. Always Best by Wo. Lay ; Ever Thus The even and unvarying uniformity in the quality, age, purity, favor of Hunter Whiskey will be steadily maintained, and years hence, it willbe as'now, Every Test! AHAN & SON, Baltimore, Md. New York Central’s Grand Central Station, CENTER OF THE CITY OF NEW YORK. comicbooks.com