Life — July 2, 1903 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A Gooseberry. THERE are certain sofas whose business is to be loved in. They are born, if not to the purple, to the turtle-doves. Whatever combination of mahogany, South American hair and plush have come together to make up this four-legged individuality, it has been mainly for the purposes of love. This sofa was one of them. In discussing the matter with the armchair, it had said, with an admirable sense of its own importance : “My dear friend, it is a great thing to feel within one’s innermost self, as I do, the springs of power. When two people sit down upon me, by some subtle alchemy, I can feel myself drawing them together at once. They cannot resist my influence.” And the armchair had replied, not perhaps without a certain touch of envy: “Ah, what you say is true. You were indeed born to bring people together. When a man and a woman enter the rere you are waiting to entrap them, they are drawn toward you by acommon impulse. You are a centre of gravity. With me it is somewhat different. I don't remember of ever having held but one. I——” Atthis moment their conversation was interrupted by the sound of voices. ‘Two people were entering. Said the man's voice—and it was a strong, manly voice : * Alono at last. Where shall we sit?” And then said the woman's voice—it was a delightful voice, soft and low, well modulated and yet capable of a wide range of tremulousness and shades of emotion : “Tam going to sit here.” Then it was that the sofa er double creak that meant busine: The armchair sighed. “ Another frost for me,”’ it observed, disconsolately. ’'said the sofa. ‘ Be a real wise gooseberry yourself vicariously. You may learn something.’ ked—a good old-fashioned “ Listen, and enjc Said the man's voice : “T have wished so long to be alone with you. Ihave something to say."" And the woman's “ T hope it is interesting. The man’s voice : “That depends. It might be the most interesting and absorbing thing in the wide world—for you—and, under certain circumstances, it might be the most distasteful.’” The woman's voice “T think [can guess what it is.” “Then perhaps you would rather tell me. It is alway a woman's privilege to instruct a man. Sometime: indeed, a woman's very silence teaches a man all that 1 needs to know."” “Ah, yes. But perhaps I am not such a wise woman as that. Nevertheless, I shall take the opportunity of nam- voice replied : A FOURTH OF JULY ASCENSION. Prof. Bug: at LAST MY DREAM 18 REALIZED—I Go To vistT THE PLANET Mans! ing this important something that you desire to say to me. Something, you say, that might interest me greatly, or be distasteful to me. Well, what «re these subjects that interest me, or are distasteful? It can’t be clothes, because they are never distasteful.” “ Do you acknowledge that?" “Nay, [glory in it. There is only one possible occasion when a woman might assert that the subject of clothes was uninteresting to her.” “When is that, pray?” “When she is so much afraid that the man she is talking to will not be able to make enough money to supply her with all she needs, But that could never happen to me, because — “ Because what?” “Why, because the man I marry must hav But that hasn’t anything to do with our subject, bas it? ‘The man’s voice quivered slightly. “You are cruel. But, nevertheless, Ishall waste no more time—valuable or invaluable. But I shall tell you the subject at once, It is all about us two—no one else. Llove you! There, is t sudden enough? Dear, don't answer meatonce. I couldn’t help it. I had to say it right out. Won't you look at me? Won’t you speak to me? Tell me it is all right.”” There was a silence. The sofa s calm—calm with the confidence of the inevitable. “Now, you observed,” it said to the armchair, ‘ how the whole thing works, You are new, of course—let’s see, you came fresh from the furniture store yesterd: didn’t you?” “Yes,” said the armchair, and sighed—though why, it could not tell. “Well,” repeated the sofa, ‘you see how it works. At first there was a lot of irrelevant talk. I suppose you thought they weren't going to get together at all, didn’t you?” Well, I must confess I didn’t see what they were driving at.”” “Exactly. That was pure nervousness. He was sparring enough, 4 comicbooks.com