Life — June 18, 1903 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

ONE MORE UNFORTUNATE. (Or the Delayed Chauffeur.) One more unfortunate Under the wheel, Smashed to a pulp by an Automobile. Lift it up tenderly, Move it with care, Or you'll be getting it Out of repair. Ob, that sad slip of hers, What a delay it brings! ‘Think of the trouble and Eke the dismay it brings! But for the heedlessness And for the needlessness Of the child's fall The chauffeur perhaps had made Runs other chaps have made No good at all. Why did her father, Or else her mother, Or her big sister, Or ber big brother, Not keep her out of sight, So that she never might Have caused all this bother? There! We're all set agal Now, then, come on! She'll never fret again Three minutes gone! Never mind chickens now, Go like the dickens now. Just let her zip! Maybe we still may make Up down the bill we take On the home trip. —S. E. Kiser, in New York Herald. PostTMASTER GENERAL Payne Is demonstrating his ability to pursue investigations in bis own department, but he Is not above seeking advice outside on difficult questions. Lately the post- ofMce authorities found that a certain woman in Chicago was using the mails Improperly, and after a report had been rendered the Postmaster General issued a fraud order, barring her letters from the malls. This stirred the subject of the order. She addressed a pathetic appeal to the Postmaster Gen- eral, asking for a personal and private interview, at which she might present her side of the case. “I feel sure,” the letter ran, “that if I could get a chance to look you straight in your beautiful brown eyes you would hear my story.’ Mr. Payne was much impressed. thing was rather an innovation, indorsed the letter: “Respectfully referred to the Secretary of War for advice.”* Routine took it through the regular channels, and, after many days, it returned again with this indorsement : “Risk one Tribune. This sort of Then he solemnly eye—Elihu Root."—New York “Ovn host, one of the most genial of provincial Mayors, had, by signs, invited a jovial-looking ecclestastic on his left to join him In a bumper of champagne. Hs reverence silently gave his head a mournful shake, and this is a verbatim report of what followed—eloquent but highly condensed: Host (soticitously): Liver? Gvest (savagely): TOE “Whereupon bis Worship had to fashion his hospitable features into an expression of sympathy, and finish the bottle himself, magnanimously taking all risks of gout and liver trouble."—Daily News. “Manpy, I'm glad to see that your new hat hasn't any stuffed song-birds on It.” “Of course it hasn't, auntie, The dear, sweet Uttle things are getting to be dreadfully out of style now."—Chicago Tribune. A certain American woman, the wife of a for- mer representative in Congress and minister abroad, who now aims at social leadership in the most ex- clusive and top-lofty circles of Washington, D. C., fs noted for her love of display and her penchant for wearing about all the jewels she can bear up under. One recent night she gave a dinner. Sev- eral members of the diplomatic set were present Madame was in high feather, and she also wore a diamond tiara and several strings of pearls around her neck. During the evening she complained of feeling a bit chilly, and told one of the servant call her maid. When the maid appeared she is said to have shivered a trifle, and exclaimed: “Susette, I am so cold; please get me another string of pearls.""—Argonaut, “I ant afrald the nobleman who is to become your son-in-law bas not much talent for business.” “I don't know,” answered Mr. Cumrox. “If he can manage to get as good prices for other mer- chandise as he does for a title, I'll trust him to take his chances in business."—The Wasp. MORE REFLECTIONS FOR A REJECTED MS.— AND OTHERS. It's no use crying over spilt ink. Too many books spoil the market. A roving MS. gathers no dross. Spare the style and spoil the paper. Put a minor poet on Pegasus—he'll write Ike the devil! Fine “puffs” do not make fine books. Take care of the agreements—the publishers will take care of themselves. It's an ill critique which blows no author any ‘5004. (For the Magazine Editor)—Bread I win— Tales you lose. (For Sir Doyle's! Conan)—A botched plot—never —Arthur Layard, in The Author. “Remumper, boys,” said the teacher, “that in the bright lexicon of youth there's no such word as “tall After a few moments a boy ralsed his band “Well, what {s It, Socrates?" asked the teacher, “I was merely going to suggest.” replied the youngster, “that if such ts the case it would be a visable to write to the publishers of that lexicon and call their attention to the omisston."—The Wasp. Live ts for sale by all Newsdea! ers in Great Britain, The International News Company, Bream's Balding, Chancery Lane, London, E.C., England, AGENTS, ‘HE WILSC’ Established 1823. WILSON WHISKEY That’s All! DISTILL Baltimore, Md. table, On every smart woman's dressing BORINE The best Antiseptic. (THE NAME IS EVERYTHING.” Esterbrook an absolute Its excellence No. 688. all who like Try it. varieties of Counselor's Will please a stub pen. Over 150 other styles Alcoholic Addictions. failed elsewhere ‘Treatment if Desired. ‘Adds MAPLEWOOD NEAR CINCINNATI, OHIO. A Sanatorium established in 1875 forthe private care and medical treatment of ‘Thousands having wwe been cured by us Home ress ‘Tux De. J, L, StermExs Co., Dep. 77, Lanaxox, 0. pose. All have them. substitute. every pur stationers Accept no Drug and ‘THE ESTERBROOK STEEL PEN CO. Werks, Caméen, N.J 26 Joha Street, N. Ys 20-Hour Train NEW YORK CENTRAL and LAKE SHORE. comicbooks.com 20th CENTURY LIMITED to Chicago.