Life — January 29, 1903 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Never. “ (1\HERE must be relief !"” The mayor of the great city, as he rose and faced his confréres, was pale and determined. “Yes, gentlemen,” he continued, “relief must come, and that right speedily. Never before, in the history of tho world, has there been such a congested locality as that in which we are now sitting, Millions every hour of the day are crowding and jostling each other in a mad whirl. Our trans- portation facilities, never adequate to the situation, have become hopelessly helpless, With our population in- creasing at such an alarming rate, it is not enough that we should conquer the situation as it exists at present, overwhelming as it is; but it is nec- essary that we also provide for the future,”" A large, portly man now pushed his way to the front. “Sir,” he said, addressing the may- or, “I am one of the officers ot the corporation that at present, I am glad to say, has this great city by the throat. And I have listened to your eloquence with much interest. But what you propose is impossible. To increase the comfort of the passen- gers, we should need to put two conductors on each car, and select men who have good manners, to say nothing of ordering a lot of new cars. No, sir, we couldn’t do it.”” “But why not?" asked the crest- fallen mayor. The great man smiled. “Why, my dear sir,” he said, we are now only making about 200 per cent. profit, and if we should do what you propose, there is a strong proba- bility that it might be cut down to 199 per cent." Pathos. HE pathos of the Adjutant - Gen- eral urging young officers who have no material resources beyond their pay not to marry unless they can marry money will touch the heart of the great American people. The most of us marry and live pretty happily the bulk of the time after, ona good deal less than 79 6 2 ~BCoRY- Kuve aT 95 one hundred and sixteen dollars and sixty-seven cents per month, the pay of a second lieutenant, but who of us wishes the man who has drawn his sword in defence of the Fatherland to sift his ashes more than once, or to straw hats answer longer about three seasons each ? Surely, we are in no mood, in these parlous times, to skimp the army. Weare too keenly sensible of our national destiny, which we are liable to be called on to fulfill almost any day now. make his than Seeing Things. TLE thousht he saw a erocodite A-weeping in the rain ; He looked again and found it was Anovel by Hall Caine ; “ The great increase in suicid Said he, ‘I'll now explain.” He thought he saw a battlefield, With corpses heaped up high ; He looked again and found it was A dust-cloud in the sky. Said he: “I'll hike from here before The ‘devil’ carts whiz by He thought he saw a field of filth,— Above the clouds hung gra: He looked again and found it was A modern problem p! “ Of course,” said he, Has dividends to pay. syndicate He thought he saw some monkeys swing Upon a gilded tree ; He looked again and found it was A Newport social tea ! “I think,” said he, * that tweedledum’s The same as tweedledee.” John N, Hilliard, Boy: saY, B0%a, DID YOUR BARBER HAVE MUCH TROUBLE IX PARTING YOUR HORNS IN THE MIDDLE? comicbooks.com