Life — November 20, 1902 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE UNIVERSAL HABIT. I saw her go shopping in stylish attire, And she felt Of her belt At the back, Her walk was as free as a springy steel wire, And many a rubberneck turned to admire As she felt Of her belt At the back, She wondered if all the contraptions back there Were fastened just right—'twas an unceasing care, So she felt Of her belt At the back. I saw her at church as she entered her pew; And she felt Of her belt At the back. She had on a skirt that was rustly and new And didn’t quite know what the fastenings might do, So sbe felt Of her belt At the back. She fldgeted round while the first prayer was sald, She fumbled about while the first hymn was read— Oh she felt Of her belt At the back. Jack told her one night that he loved her like mad; And she felt For her belt At the back. She didn’t look sorry, she didn't look glad— She looked like she thought, “Well, that wasn't so bad." And she felt For her belt At the back. But—well, I don’t think ‘twas a great deal of harm, For what should the maiden have found but an arm, When she felt For her belt At the back. Los Angeles Herald. T el ORS AvT NvLLy Wun Henry Hiemenz, Jr., of St. Louts, died the other day he left $1,000,000 and a will which provided that his widow, who inherited the entire fortune, was to strew the grave of his first wife with flowers every Sunday and on the anniversaries of her birth and death. This probably is the acmo of refined cruelty. If the testator had provided that the widow, in order to keep the money, must climb a greased pole every Sunday morning, or give up corsets, or do her own washing, other women might have gone to her and encouraged her with the assurance that the money was worth the sacri- fice; but to be compelled to strew flowers on the grave of the woman who Is now, let us hope, happy with the man in paradise will undoubtedly be re- garded by all sober-minded women as too much. The courts should {oterfere in this case and wipe out the obligation as being unnecessary, cruel and oppressive—Chicago Record-Herald. Wir {s confined to no age or country, though some solls are more fertile in it than others. Few persons think of the great Roman orator, Cicero, asa wit. Yet the man who blasted Catiline with his lghtnings and made even Casar tremble, was famous for his “fests and repart Niebubr re- garded bis wit as the most predominant and bril- Nant faculty of his mind, When Cicero was told tiat a certain lady had said that she was but 30 years old, though she was unquestionably far older, he replied: “I must believe her, for I have heard her say so for the last ten years.” Seeing one day his diminutive son-in-law, Dolabella, girt with a gigantic weapon, he asked: “Who has tied Dola- bella to that sword?” “Rem acu tetigisti” (“You have pricked the thing with a needle"—that 1s, “You have discussed the subject acutely”), was bis Ironical compliment to a Senator who had been a tailor. When Damasippus, with whom he had been supping, offered him some inferior Falernlan wine, saying, “It is forty years old," Cicero re- plied, “It bears its age well."—Exchange. Barprker's is generally regarded as a bharm- less book. Not so in Turkey, as a German traveler has learned to his grief. They found In his trunk a guide through Turkey,” and confiscated it. The next morning the Baedeker was returned to the German, but with more than a hundred pages, con taining a description of Constantinople, torn out The traveler went to the censor’s office to complain of this Inexplicable treatment of his book. Dut the censor explained to him, with irresistible logic that an accurate description of Constantinople could not de suffered, since a knowledge of the locality was calculated to facilitate an attempt on the Sul- tan’s life—Argonaut, Tux diMculties of learning and using a new language are many, and the unfortunate Norwegian in this story from the Frankfort (Kan.) Review Must have felt that his own efforts were particu- larly unsuccessful. A druggist was obliged to be absent from his store one day, and bis wife took his place. A large Norwegian, who spoke English with difficulty, en- tered and said: “Hi owe de firm fifty cents.” “Very well,” replied the druggist’ pay it to me and {t will be all right. “Hi owe de firm fifty cents." “Yes, I understand. If you are afrald, I will give you a receipt for It. The man looked at her in astonlshment, an¢ walked out without a word. Pretty soon be re- turned with a fellow countryman, whose command of English was a little better, and who interpreted his friend’s remark by explaining, “He want fifty cents’ worth of fodoform.”—Exzchange. wife; “just Tue man In search of a coachman looked coldly at the voluble and eager young Freachman before him, and shook his head. I don't wish another valet,” he sald. “I have one already; there would be, nothing for you to do." But, monsteur,” pleaded the young man, with outstretched hands, “if you could concelve bow little {t takes to occupy me !"—Youth’s Companion For sale by all New pany, Bream’s Baildi ers in Great Britain. 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