Life — October 30, 1902 — page 9: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

‘LIF E* It would not do to elect the whole of Con- gress at once, as it takes a little time to ac- quire legislative ignorance enough to pass all the unnecessary bills intro- duced. 375 The Four Ages of « Bridge.” A T twenty, his colossal bump Of vanity imparts No caution: when he makes the trump, He always makes it Hearts. Mr. Silver Foxe (hesttatingly) APPORD TO HAVE YOU WEAR 4 COAT LI ‘TRR, WITH COAL §0 HIGH, THAT GARMENT, WOULD BRING $1,200 ON THE LONDON MARKET. Politics for Young Americans. ‘THE ELECTION. ‘THE election has two principal fanc- tions, viz.: To disturb busi- ness and to turn the rascals in. It is exceedingly simple in its work- ing, complications not setting in until later. The party in power having obtained all, and frequently more than was dreamed of in the beginning, its claims to permanence are disputed by another party. If the later party succeed, this is called rotation in office. Rotation in office means that the pensions will increase and the people, as usual, be disappointed. An election is always held in the fall of the year, to commemorate man’s first sinning. The saloons, however, are not closed long enough to make the calamity a national one. The persons elected are usually a National Boss, a President, and part of the House of Representatives, AH, MY DEAK, I—AH— Mrs, Foxe (anticipating the tcorst:) Y—YES, SILVER, Mr. Foxe (brutally); THR PACT 18, MY DEAR, 1 CAN'T ‘THAT THIS WIN- UNDREASED, The necessary concomitants to an elec- tion are The Financial Inter- ests, The Power of the Press, . The Machine, and The Party Voter. The Financial Interests direct the proceedings, The Power of the Press furnishes the noise, The Machine audits the contri- butions, and The Party Voter does the rest. There is another ingredient called The People, but they don’t count, There are three principal elections: National, State and municipal, National elections are held for the purpose of pro- viding the new set of office- holders with unearned increment, State elections for the benefit of the insurance companies and street rail- ways and the Bosses who wish to enter the Senate, and municipal elec- tions to give reformers a chance to show what they don’t amount to. Directions for Burning Money. I* view of the scarcity of coal, many contemplate burning money this winter. A few directions will not be inappropriate. Perhaps the most effective way to burn money is to have a coachman who feels above manual labor and turn the management of the furnace over to him. But this is not always practicable for the great middle classes. By selecting the wrong kind of heat- ing apparatus, the average man who has no more sense than to live in the city can do surprising things burning money all by himself. The nervous, fretful temperament is about the best for the man who pro- poses to burn money. A determina- tion to have it just as warm in the parlor as it is in the bath-room will also be found helpful, TH beauty of women is one of the mercies to be gratefully commemo- rated on Thanksgiving Day. At thirty, he has learned to make Judicious use of funds, And when a maiden is the stake, His trump is Diamonds. At forty, with a cynic’s sneer Woman a fraud he dubs; He dines at home, say, once a year— His favorite trump is Clubs. At sixty, he has crossed the Styx To mingle with the shades ; Death gathers in the winning tricks— His trump is always Spades. Frank Roe Batchelder. $ AXATIVE Japanese points out that there is nohope of a great Japa- nese literature, owing to the wretched pay of writers in the Flowery King- dom. This is a very just deduction. The Shakspeares and the Miltons are instances of the pitiful literature of a generation ungenerous with its writers. Ifa people are to have their Hall Caines and their Winston Church- ills, they’ve got to pay for’em. You never know a man until you have played football with him. “Ol TAKE BACK YOUR COAL! 1°D RATHER STARVE!" comicbooks.com