Life — September 11, 1902 — page 9: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Autoowiney Troglody'e: of, 84X, MY GOOD PRIMATE, DON'T TAKE IT 60 HARD. taver-rn-kaper hists his prices, the preacher's wife begins to take in boarders, an’ the market fer prunes in that oncet happy village is high an’ frequint. Then each iv the shpinsters expec’s a rural lover that'll be up in Emmyrson an’ the relyjeen iv Nachoor, an’ the inhabitants is fearful perplexed to know how they came to be idols. But th’ autor Iv ut all is away in Europe f'r the month iv August, havin’ a high old time amid the Madonnys an’ the monnymints, wid the proceeds iv the writin’ up the happy homes iv that village. It’s betther to have a shtrame or a valley, or somethin’ poetical attached to the counthry EVEN IN DARKEST AFRICA. sate f'r the pitchers that have to be drawed, That Scotch la-ad, Mac- Something-or-Other was gr-reat on th’ glen. It sounded like a dale iv purtiness, an’ glens is chape in the Land o° Kail. A Noo England village is what takes in this counthry, becuz it's just full iv ould maids wid bruk hearts an’ be- lated luv affairs. An ould maid, in a buke, Hinnissy, is a powerful af- fectin’ figger. Her hair is drawn shtrate back, there's a far-away luke in her left oi, an’ ye know that she's on the watch fer the la-ad that'll nivir return. She's a gentle crathur in a buke, with no rale har-rm in her emashiated constichooshun. Then. LL PAY POR THE DAMAGE, DON'TCHRRKNOW. the ministher always writes up well. His blud is good, though he doesn’t mintion it fr’m th’ pulpit. Yes, Hi nissy, the gentle clargy is a dhrawin’ cyard in lithrachoor."’ “I've heard,” said Mr. Hennessy, “that there's a Chicago la-ad that's made a pile iv money out iv yer talk an’ mine, but I don’t belave ut.” “I'd like to mate that la-ad,” said Mr. Dooley, warmly. “I'd be havin’ him by th’ coat collar an’ makin’ him dishtribute the profits.” “Ye can make up yer moind it's a loi. No man wud pay fer hearin’ ye talk,” responded Mr. Hennessy, the Heretical. J. G. comicbooks.com