Life — August 28, 1902 — page 8: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

174 Life's Dictionary of International Biography. JOHN D. ROCKEFELLER, PROMINENT member of Wall Street, the Standard Oil Company, and the Bap- tist Church, This gentleman’s life, from his boyhood, has been one long siraggle against abject riches. At the time of his birth, the earth was owned by an aggregation of individuals scattered over various portions thereof. ince then all has been changed. But Mr. Rockefeller, with characteristic generosity, has consented to share it with Pierpont Morgan, Andrew Carnegie, Charles Schwab, Rassell Sage and a few other parties of the first part who have the same disease that he has. Mr. Rockefeller has always been noted for his Biblical leanings. He started out in life with the following motto, adapted for his own use: “Let your light so shine before men, at twenty cents a gallon, that they may see your good works, and glorify the continually increasing dividends.” In other words, he does not believe in hiding one’s light under a bushel, but thinks it should be put on a barrel. Beginning in life as a poor boy, owning at that time only the city of Cleveland, he started to Chicago, and having seen that Professor Triggs was furnished with a solid brass phonograph, he left that city where it was, for which it has ever since been duly grateful, and came on to New York, where he created the now famons part of ‘* Foxy Grandpa.”’ Since then he has been living a quiet, frugal life, sur- rounded only by his friends and family and hair-restorer mon, and by exercising the utmost care, has been able to save up enough to live uncomfortably. He has not only made hay while the sun shone, but while the oil lamps held out to burn, His favorite occupations are: Cutting coupons by elec- tricity, not doing any harm by giving away money, and holding his own. Principal works : ‘A Tank Drama,” ‘Oil on the Troub- led Waters,’’ and ‘* How I Set the World on Fire.” Tom Masson, Education, STONISHING advancement is being made in methods of school instruction, It can’t be long, now, until a complete education is a mere matter of taking a pill at night before retiring, or two pills at the out- side in the case of very dall persons. In the meanwhile we are likely to have learned one thing, whether an education that’s easy to get is worth getting. Gauged. N ODD: I must break away. ~ my wife. Topp: And she probably won't be there. “Yes, I figure she will just about be there. hours late.’’ Have an appointment with I'm two “LE The Meagre-Minded Man. A BALLAD OF CHRISTIAN SCIENCE. TOHN HAWKINS was a common man who married Mary Brown, A cheerful, optimistic maid of simple Boston town ; John thought his happiness secure in making this alliance, And it jarred him when he learned his wife went in for Christian Science. When winter brought bronchitis dread with its pneumatic woes, And John developed rasping tubes, a red and strenuous nose, He called in Dr. Gallipot, who ordered pills and potions, A plaster for his spine and chest, and various kinds of lotions. His cheerful wife, Bostonian-like, without procrastination, Explained to John bronchitis was a mental aberration Though Gallipot meant well he still was crude, experimental, With theories fallacious and errors fundamental ; Disease was but a figment of the human mind disordered; When people fancied they were ill, on lunacy they bordered. So Mary chucked his nostrums and secured him absent treatment From a Christian Science healer, a professor of dead-beatment. John loved his wife, and yet he felt her theories were tenuous ; He knew his eyes were red and raw, his tubes were dry and strenuous. When spring came John had been reduced to great emaciation, A subject for his kin’s alarm, his friend's commiseration. His friends gave him advice which was emphatic, if informal ; They recommended change and rest with Nature sane and normal. So lean and languid John went out into the districts rural, Since Nature's healing balm i8 best in places extra-mural. There free from care and science and the healer’s baleful glance The bronchial Hawkins ceased to bronk with summer's warm advance ; And Mary, cheerful Mary, his recovery defined As a splendid vindication of the Christian Science Mind. One fatal day John walked along the highway by the mead And came, somewhat abruptly, on an auto making speed ; “There's an absent-minded beggar,” quoth the wag on the machine, As he scattered Mr. Hawkins on the circumambient green. Mary gathered up the fragments in her pretty Boston basket, And had them all assembled in a handsome oaken casket ; Though a toe or two were missing and an ear she failed to find, That simply proved her statement as to John’s imperfect mind. And though he’s dead and buried with a boulder on his breast, ‘The Christian Science lady holds he’s only gone to rest ; And though Hawkins lies securely in his everlasting bed, He is not dead, sweet Mary says, he only thinks he's dead. Joseph Smith, The Needle’s Eye. “JE has gone abroad to be baptized in the River Jordan, taking his pastor along with him.”” ** And does that facilitate his entrance into heaven?" “ Well, it will probably make him quite a bit poorer, you know.” U NTIL they can sit together silent without embarrass- ment men are not friends. comicbooks.com