Life — July 24, 1902 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

DAVID AND HIS GOLIATH. keep us in good humor. We will attend any old talks on Scottish humor and other myths, so long as we hold the cup that cheers, but not——” “I think I have heard that before in a W. C. T. U. meeting.” “I believe the line has been used on several occasions, to point a tea cup or adorn a white ribbon, But I suppose you would like to know something of my plans for next year. I've got a pretty good thing that I'm gradually getting into effective shape.” “What is it?” “Of course, you won't say anything about it. ‘When in doubt, tell a woman’ is good advice. It’s to be a little book on a delicate subject. I call it ‘How to Prepare Missionaries.’” “Most piquant and refreshing, I'm sure. you will dedicate it to the Tract Society?” “There is only one person who can truly understand the feelings that inspired me as I wrote the title. I shall dedicate my tender chapters to the King of the Cannibal Islands.” “Do you consider the great variety of missionaries?” “I have tried to cover most of those known to India and the islands of the sea. Some natives are very exact- ing and require several varieties of sauce.” I suppose “*Moody and Sankey’ tunes wouldn't be bad.” “But they must be used cautiously. I have known even a healthy Fiji Islander who couldn't stand more than a spoonful of ‘Oh, to be Nothing!’ I've put in a little dressing of Sheldon and Tallmage. but I’ve come to the conclusion that the best arrangement will be for the native orchestra to play ‘Where is My Wandering Boy To-night?” while the last course of missionary is being served. Of course, smilax and candelabra are out of the question, but a few palms and fig leaves might be used as decoration.” “You haven't heard from your missionary friends in China, lately, have you?” “No, I greatly fear that they have been claimed by the wild waters of the Yang-tse-kiang. But I see that Lady Henry Somerset is waiting to say a few words to me on the subject of the Twain cocktail.” JG. F the people who can't write had the braius of those who can, and those who can had the skill of those who can’t, what a glorious literature we would soon have. RROVIDENCE has admirably adapted the average hearer to the average sermon. comicbooks.com