Life — May 8, 1902 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

396 Turning the Tables. RTS A awe: following has been sent in by an interest- 3 * ed reader of Lire, who says : “I do not know whether or not your Fair Play principles are up to the strain of pub- lishing the enclosed, but I hope so." ,“] “LIFE’S SANCTUM TALKS.” =e “ Hello, Lire!” “Don't know me? Ha! Ha! Why, we had a talk a few weeks ago over my adoption of the re- concentrado policy.” “Good guess. While these peace negotiations are going on I thought I would call you up.” “Not at all. Do you know, Lire, I bave a sneaking sort of fondness for you. You stand for a great many Large Principles. You are the most Consistent Kicker that I know of.” “ Really you are too modest. Well, your principal recommenda- tion is your love of ‘Fair-Play.’ You know that appeals to a Briton. You have a thankless task before you, though, if you expect to keep the American Pot from calling the British Kettle black, or if you hope to educate it to keep itself any cleaner.” “Yes. [know. I am sorry for you; your mission is much more difficult than mine, and it is only likely that you will receive a inartyr’s reward for endeavoring to inculeate Fair Play ideas into the Great American Public.” “ Been reading the papers lately, Lire? Major Waller's testimony? He should be recompensed by Con- gress for giving away General Smith's secret of pacification of rebel- lious (?) provinces. So much cheaper than Weyler's or My recon- centrado pol Killing ‘everything over ten’ and ‘burning thing in sight’ is cheaper and entails so much less responsi- What do you think of Yes, a great nuisance. Did you know that when it was proven that some of the officers of my colonials, whom I am always try- ing to make much of, shot some Boer prisoners, I actually had to order a court-martial ?- The excuse that while dressed in British uniforms these Boer spies had killed some of my men would not go with the judge, and my officers were shot. So much nicer if, tor such ‘mistaken zeal,’ they had retired them to fat jobs in the Colonial Post Office Department, General Hood punished an American lieutenant for torturing Filipinos to death by that ‘relic of the inquisition,’ the cold water cure.” “The American way is certainly the best with those ‘ nigge: Governor Taft suppresses reports from all but the pacified (deci mated) provinces, and when those inconsiderate editors in Manila criticise him, the majesty of the law aids him by locking them up for libel.” “Poor Rhodes! How I would like to call him up. Those Muatabele ‘niggers,’ though, say that the ‘ Beloved White Chiefs spirit is with the spirit of Umziligazi, the ancestor of the Mata- bele nation, whom they worship as a god; so I do not know ex- actly where to ring him up. I tried a few minutes ego, but find that the same telephone that connects with America does not have any station in a ‘nigger’ heaven. Funny thing, is it not, that ‘niggers’ should appreciate humanity and consideration from a man like Cecil Rhodes, when your experience o¥er in America and your new colony is that they are not amenable to anything but kicks and lynchings?” “ Heard from Weyler lately?" ‘LIFE- “Thave. He addressed a Ha, Ha wireless Marconigraph to me as soon as he had read the testimony of Major Waller and the other officers r¢ torturing to death of Filipinos and their orders not to take any prisoners, but kill every black man, as a black friend might. some day be a black foe. Prevention is better than cure,” “What is that? No, I never heard anything about that. Wait until I get a pencil and write down that to be transmitted to Weyler.” 2... . 0. K., goahead. ‘General Smith is a lineal descendant of the great American who invented the proverb that ‘the only good Indian was a dead Indian." ‘There, you see how Iam handicapped. How can I expect to be anything but an amateur beside a man with an inherited aptitude for cruelty like that (probably educated at West Point, too)? I have never yet succeeded in being very much more than stern, no matter how hard I try.” “Yes, I will try again. The next Boer spy I catch in British uniform, I actually believe I will sentence him to be sent to bed without his supper.” “Ta-ta, Lire. It might not be safe for you to tell people about this conversation, as, if the Great American Public knew that your Fair Play propensities were becoming very noticeable, you might meet the fate of Lincoln and some of the other Fair Play ad- vocates, and it would be a shame to sce such a promising career and mission as yours nipped in the bud.” “T may call you again when your investigation is finished, and those torturing officers are shot (nit) as mine were.” BRONZE GROUP TO BE PRESENTED TO THE DIRECTORS OF TH: YORK CENTRAL RAILROAD BY THE CITIZENS OP NEW YORK CITY, IN HECOONITION OF THEIR UNSELFISH EFFORTS TOWARD THE PURIFICA> TION OF PoLITics. comicbooks.com