Life — May 1, 1902 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

MENAGERIE MUSING. The monkey never wears a shoe So tight It xadly pinches, Nor dons a collar that’s so big I's killing him by Inches, He never goes to lectures dull, Nor operas that bore bim, He gasly swings from tree to tree, As did bis sire before him. Hat we, of hind hands all bereft, Assume, though we don’t need 'em, All sorts of habits and attire And compromise our freedom And Simlans who see us quatl, As Mrs. Grands's flankies, Declare we are no credit to F stone ancestral monkey: —Washington Star. I mave a distinct remembrance of # curtous busizess experience I had while at college. I was manager of the Junior Annual and had ven going the rounds of the city “rustling ads," as you say here at Stanford. I had been rather unsuccessful during the day, so late In the afternoon Idetermined on long shot, 1 had been recommended by &@ friend to try to land the ad. of a certain crematory (a new thing then), whose proprietor he knew. I wentaround, and was surprised to find the proprietor, a Mr. Stitt, very willing to discuss my proposition. We must have talked together fully two hours. He asked every tmaginabie question as to terms, contract and 80 forth, and I gave every imaginable answer, My fighting blood was up, and at last I persuaded him to sign # contract fora sum up in the hundreds, Was 1 happy! 1 arose and bid him good afternoon with much eifusion, slipped my contract blanks in my pocket and ‘ted out. As I was about to close the door from the outside, he called me back. “Just a moment, Mr. Halsey." “Yes, sir, what ts it?’’ I replied, rather sarprised, “You understand, don't you, that this advertisement is to be taken out in trade!" —Profeseor Haley in The Chaparral. Dr. Trurie was often greeted atfectionately by per- fectly unknown young men who professed to be old friends, and who afterwards turned out to be old Rugby boys. The Bishop got into the way of pretending to remember the Identity of any lively person who Mew up to him with rap: turous greetings—simply, says The Wak End, to save lengthy, and sometimes crestfallen, explanations, One day. at Oxford, ® handsome youth greeted him with a fervent shake of the hand, “Fhe” sald the always curt Bishop, abstractedly, + You quite well? Yes," replied the good-looking young man, with gractousness, All well at home? sald the Bishop. The young man stared slightly, but replied courteously “All well, thank you,"* « Pather well? sald the Bishop. «My father, sir, is dead,” sald the young man, with a itttle pardonabte sternness, “ An!’ gald the utterly undisturbed Bishop, and how's your mother ?* ir,” replied the handsome young man, with great gravity, “Her Majesty the Queen is in excellent bealth.”* He was Prince Leopold, the Dake of Albany, to whom Dr.Temple had been tutor, but whom that untmpresstonabie Bishop had for the time being forgotten, The reply is unrecorded ! — London Daily News. “AND the rallway company agrees to settle by paying me five thousand dollars, does It?" sald the man who had been Injured, “How much of It do I gett “You get ail of it,” sald the lawyer, “and you pay me what you please. It didn’t take me five minutes to get & settlement out of them,” ‘This, oh, reader, 1s no fancy sketch, There are limit to the Imaginative faculty of the human mind. Chicago Tribune, AN amusing incident occurred the other afternoon in agentiemen’s outfitting shop tn New Street, Birmingham. when & customer came tn to purchase & bat, He tried on several, and was evidently hard to please, the counter Is coming covered with the rejected. At last the salesman picked up a brown felt bowler, brushed tt round with bls arm, and extended ft admiringly, * These are being very much worn this season, sir, he explained. Are they?" sald the customer, thoughtfully survey ing bimself in the mirror, with the hat on bis bead, * Do you think tt sults me?" Sulta you to perfection, sir—if the O's right.” Yes; it fits very well. So you think I bad better have it? +1 don’t think you could do better, sir."" No, 1 don’t think I could; so 1 won't have a new one.” The salesman had been pushing the old hat, ~Spare Moments For salo by all Newsdealers in Great Britalo. The Inter- ial News Company, Bream’s Building, Chancery Lane, matic London, E. C., England, AGENTS. 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