Life — April 3, 1902 — page 8: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Real Rumors. N intelligence office willsoon beopened in Park Row, for the purpose of supplying editors for Harper's Weekly. It will be kept running Members of Congress. and the Senate have been invited to visit Cuba in the spring, but it is understood that they will unaninously decline, as they are all agreed that it would be a shame to break the dense ignorance they all hold concerning that Island. Tammany Hall is to be rebuilt. The front will be lined with stained-glass win- dows, filled with appropriate designs, the principal one being a striking figure of Jerome. On the top will be a life-si figure of Dr. Parkhurst, in the act of drink- ing Mayor Low's health in a tankard of real rain water. Among the ‘‘ midway" features of the St. Louis Exposition will be the entire Filipino nation, it having been calculated that in 1903, when the Exposition opens, there will be still enough of them left to fill a good- sized tent. The United States Steel Company is in need of more commodious quarters for the accommodation of its officers. The Palace Hotel at San Francisco, the Post Office at Chicago, and the Waldorf-Astoria in New York, have all been considered, but it is not improbable that the choice will finally fall upon the Capitol at Washington. A celebrated artist, who recently re- turned from abroad, has offered to deco- rate the interior of the New York Custom Mouse with an appropriate series of panels. The subjects will be taken mostly from the Spanish Inquisition, and, it is hoped by the authorities, will act as a stimulus upon the employees in the performance of their sworn duties. The New York Stock Exchange, now in process of erection, will have some impor- tant improvements, her features, a regular chaplain will be appointed, who will open the proceedings each day with the following prayer: “0 Lord, bless this great gambling insti- tution, and grant that each member this day may do others as he would not be done him- self, Be with the bulls and the bears in Among o ‘LIFE: their glorious work of spreading the gospel of speculation, and bless all the little lambs who have been slaughtered, and lift them up at the last day fleeced but regenerated. Vouchsafe that this noble band of enthusi- asts may continue to hold the Senate and the House of Representatives in the hollow of their hands, and that nothing may be done of national or international importance without the consent of these Thy servants here gathered together. Grant that in due time the President himself may be graced with this spirit, and that this Exchange may always, forever and ever, be politically the only thing worth living and striving for. Amen.” The New York Central Railroad is con- sidering the advisability of purchasing Woodlawn Cemetery as a permanent annex, to be used for the convenience of its patrons who use the tunnel. Only those can partici- pate in its benefits who go through the tun- nel regularly, Professor Garnier, who has spent so many years in Africa studying the vocality of the monkeys, has for the present relinquished his hitherto chosen field, and is about to en- gage in a more ambitious effort. He will shortly visit the remote parts of Scotland, and the result of his investigations will be the promulgation of an elaborate theory to prove that the so-called Scottish dialect has really some relation to human speech. ‘The following paper was recently picked up on Fifth Avenue. It is supposed to have been dropped by some author, and to be the synopsis of a contemplated stor: ‘The man buys the automobile. He tries it. He tries to see how fast he can goin it. He finds the authoritics smile upon his endeavors, so increases the smell and speed to the limit. 5. He runs over a little child. 6. He is brought into court, 7. Having plenty of money he gets off scot free. 8. The child is buried. It is said that all the hospitals in New York will combine into a syndicate, the ob- ject not only being a greater economy of administration, but a continuity of method in the treatment of patients. It has been discovered that some of the ambulances are actually in charge of surgeons who have shown signs of sympathy, and a few who have been able to distinguish between heart disease and alcoholism. This will be reme- died, so that from the moment he is picked up unconscious, to the moment he is pro- nounced incurable, everything will be done for the patient that inexperience and indif- ference may suggest. To April. Vide supra. A PRIL,—what a flock of fancies Waken with that wonder-word ! Now a lover takes his chances, With a lyric like the bird : ‘There is something in the air that Makes existence so sublime I must write and have a care that It is rhyme. April, — youth and all the raptare, All the sweetness of the Spring, — Here's my heart that you may capture It and teach it how to sing; Teach it all a lover's duty, How to make its message known To my Sweetheart with a beauty Like your own. April, She is just a blossom, Pink and white, like those you wear, — You might even come across some Daybreak dewdrops in her hair; Help my fancy in this season When it lightly turns to love, And, if you would know the reason, Look above! Frank Dempster Sherman. WOMAN'S broken heart mends. beautifully if it is attended to at was once, comicbooks.com