Life — December 2, 1901 — page 42: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“LIFE Tuene is one splendid feature of General Alger's boc It cannot be dramatized.""— Washington Post. “In ecems impossible to break into eociety," moaned the parrenu; this is the fourth time I have been operated on for appendicitis, and the only invitation I have received is one to cail and settle with the eargeon.”* —Baltimore American Tuy late Ameer of Afghanistan was nota great admirer of the British eystem of government. On one occasion a very high personage was conferring with him and raid, in relation to rome matter : : “That is a very grave question, and T must refer itto Her Majesty's government.” The Amecr, who did not clearly distinguish the parts of the British constitation, replied : “ When you ask me a question I am able to answer it at once; when T ask you, you tay you must first ask sev hundred other gentlemen, I prefer our Afghan way of doing business." Exchange. Du.G. A. Gorvon, pastor of the Old South Charch, tells this story on himself, an experience he had when coming over from England recently. He had been unable to get a stateroom for himself, but, on assurances by the purser that he would have for a roommate rome companionable gentle- man, Dr, Gordon accepted what he could get. “Now, after a short while,” says Dr. Gordon, “I began to find myself thinking of eome valuables that I had about me, and went with them finally to the purer, to intrust them with him for eafe-keeping. “+ Twould explain to you,’ [xaid tothe purser, * that lam very much pleased with my rooramate. ‘That is, I find bim a gentleman in every respect, and I wouldn't have you think that—that ix—I wouldn't have you think my coming to you with these vaiuables is—er'a—any retfection upon him, you know. His appearance is in every way —. * And here,” Dr. Gordon says, * the parser interrapted me with somewhat of a broad amile. Yes, Dr. Gordon, it's all righ with some valuables also, and he rays t about you,” "— Boston Herat. —he has come to m ¢ very eame things ‘o Avoid Chapped Han SOLE U. S. AGENTS, MULHENS & KROPFF, KEW YORK. “Say, old mati, lend me a hundred, will you!” “What! Why, you must have lost your eentes."* Not ali of them, I've still got the sense of touch, you *— Philadelphia Press. SyMpatmizixo Frienp: It must be a terrible thing to have one’s boy to far away from home ard to feel that nis life 1s in danger every day. Ican imagine just bow It must fem to soa. ‘Teaurct Motnen: Oh, it’s not the son that's in the Philippines 1'm #0 uneasy about. It's Dicky. He's Joined the college football team.—CAtcago Tribune, Gexturmas (indignantly; When I bought this dog you e was splendid for rats, Why, he won't touch them, Doo Deaten: Well, ain't that splendid for rats? Exchange. eaid “Wuat we want,” said the Firet Patriot, elections,"* “Tehould say #0,"" agreed the Second Patriot. * Why, Heeler promised me $30 for my influence in my ward, and now he says he never agreed to give me more than $10."" —Baltimore Sun. ts honest Nor long ago, in Perthshire, Scotland, a woman was driving her husband down a narrow lane, when, on turning astarp corner, they encountered a brewer's cart. Neither had room to pass, and in most disagreeable tones the woman said “Ie must go back, for I ehall not. seen us hefore entering the lane.” “But, my dear,” replied her husband,“ how could he, with this sudden turn in the road" “I don't care," said the woman, baughtily here all night before I give way to him.” ‘The dnver of the cart overheard all the conversation, and Faid, resignedly : “At richt, sir; TM gang back "— adding, eympat ieally, ** I've got just such anither one at home."* —New York Tribune He ought to have “Lshall stay “Wary did we arrive late and leave before the opera was over!" asked the youngest daughter. ‘It was very enjoy able.” “Of course it was," answered Mre, Camrox, * bu my dear, we had to show people that we didn't care whether we got our money's worth or not."— Washington Star A WELL-KNOWN Scotch * meenister™ took up golf, and, despite great practice, could not succeed in pasting the tyra stage. Ilis simple exclamations of ** Tut, tut," "Oh, d now," * Well, well,"" and the like, were plain evidences of a perturbed spirit. One day, when the perspiration owed freely from his lofty brow and his honest coantenance stone with a lustre and rediance which, alas! was not due to calmness of soal, bat rather the heat of the sun ate bis laborious efforts to move the obstinate gutta-percha from station on the tee, he was tempted to indalge in stronz lan. guage. * Dear, dear, but I'll have to gieitup. I'll haveto gic it up!" be eald at lest, with a despairing look at the bi “Give up the game, Mr. D—!" exclaiined his fricud, who had been a witness of his attempts. “Na, na, the meenistry,” answered the other, with a sigh.—Argonaut, Wesrens Kansas editore have a unique way of prodding up delinquent sabecribers, ax this will Indicate: “If you have frequent headaches, dizziness, fainting epells, accom panied by chills, cramps, corns, bunions, chilblains, epiiejss and jaundice, itis a sign you are not well, but are liable to die any minute. Pay your subscription a year in advance and thus make yourself solid for a good obituary notice —Kansas City Journal. “Twas in the South African War,” eaid one English man, General? ™ asked the other. No, journalist.” “Oh, Teee, You were a reporter ; not a regrotte — Washington Star, Mus. Bornust (hopelessly): Mortimer, I cannot make Willie mind. Mn. Bornua (sternly): Willlam, do as your mother wishes, or I will make you go and sit in the cozy come Brooklyn Fagle PRESS OF THE J. W. PRATT CO,, NEW YORK. ds and Face use ‘‘47II” White Rose Glycerine Soap ITS TRANSPARENCY IS A SIGN OF ITS PURITY AND ITS PERFUME IS UNEQUALLED wanuracturcoey FERD, MULHENS, COLOGNE 0/R, GERMANY Send 15. tn stamps for a full cize sample cake