Life, 1901-09-05 · page 13 of 20
Life — September 5, 1901 — page 13: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This is a humorous parody of Arthur Conan Doyle's Sherlock Holmes stories (note the subtitle "With apologies to Conan Doyle"). The main character, Padlock Bones, is a thinly-veiled Holmes spoof who deduces facts through observation—here, correctly identifying a friend's white horse and fear of it simply from white hairs on his riding clothes. The satire mocks Holmes's famous deductive method by having Bones apply it to mundane domestic details. The story then sets up a mystery involving screaming from a cottage, which Bones will presumably solve using similar over-the-top logical leaps. The bottom cartoon about a hat dealer appears unrelated—a separate, brief gag about seasonal pricing. This reflects early 20th-century Life magazine's frequent literary parodies, poking fun at the wildly popular Holmes detective formula.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
“WAS HE ON AIS KNEES WHEN HE PROPOSED To you?” “No.1 wast” Padlock Bones. (With apotogtes to Conan Doste ) WAS standing on the top of a lonely mountain in Switzerland, thinking of my dear friend Pad- lock Bones, who was no more. It was just a year now since he took his fatal plunge off this very mountain. I moved a step further to look over the edge, and stubbed my toe against a loose rock, almost dash- ing myself down. ‘You've been drinking, I see,” said a quiet voice at my side. ‘ Also you have a new white horse and you are afraid of him.’* “Bones, my dear fellow !"’ cried I, throwing myself on his neck and sob- bing. “Yes, it is I,” curtly, “But tell me,” cried I, ‘first, before you relate your marvelous return to this world, how you knew that I had a white horse, him “That is plained,” said he, swal- lowing his cigar. ‘* You are dressed in a riding costume, which is co ered with white hairs ; he answered and was afraid of easily ex- this leads me to induce that you have a white horse, and I know that you are afraid of him, Dealer : Vat, DE HAT 18 TOO BMALL! DE SEASON I8 LATE AND YOR DE SAME ERICE YOU CAN MAVE— 193 for I saw you riding him yesterdey.” “You are a marvelous fellow !" I gasped, in admiration, “And as for my coming back to this world, I never left it at all, Chumpson. I simply hypnotized you into seeing me plunge over the cliff, a little trick I learned in India. I had a fancy for being alone up here fora time, But come, let us go back now to tho hotel. I feel a fever on me to return to the old life.”” On the way down he said suddenly: “I have a presentment, Chumpson, that some thing interesting is about to occur.” Just as ho said this we came in sight of a little cottage with a few fine trecs about it. From out of the cottage was coming the most agonized screaming; shrick after shrick, in a high feminine voice. “Here, I think, we have it,” said Bones, stepping up to the front door cf the cottage and knocking. The door was opened by two footmen in pink livery. I remember thinking at the time it was un odd color. Bones tossed them each a guinea. “You have stolen your master’s watch- chain,” he said suddenly, fixing his eyes coolly on one of the footmen. “ And you,” turning to the other, ‘‘ have drank ten bot- tles of his best wine. I will not tell your master, however, if you will go upstairs in- stantly and tell the lady who is screaming to come down to the drawing-room.” I wondered at his temerity, but in ten minutes the curtains at the drawing-room door parted, and an exquisite creature, ma tea gown of black lace over red satin, en- tered. Her lovely face was all distorted by VELL, ULL TELL YER.