Life — March 14, 1901 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE OYSPEPTIC CANNIBA:. A cannibal was seated on a green Pacitic tsle, With the temperature at ninety-nine degrees er scanty, In a truly mavage atyle, Boston garters round bis ki His dress was ra Just « pair But be ¢ groan Facaped—which tore hits savage breast In two ; And he chanted in a melan ‘The ditty that | now repeat to you. “ve eaten hostile tribesmen without a single question, I've feasted on the ye But | never have enc “1 have tried the Cambago, boiled and roasted, baked and fred ; Thave chewe tried 1 would * But I caught this missionary calmly strolling on the main ; Cooked and served him dressed exactly come it faut. But a feeling deep within plain ‘That the misstonary surely Is ve trop. “Lbave eaten hostile tribesmen with the greatest of urbanity T have feasted on the yellow, black and brown. {a missionary was the actie OF Insanity. You can't keep # good man down.” “t seem quite happy, for now and then a untered such a Ot of Indigestion As accompanied the mintster from town, the woolly Oolah studied with yam ; Bat for ail the after aymptoms from the disues 1 have give a Bamballooadam, XD now, darling, It only remains for you to say when—" Hut at this moment the automobile, which had reached the top of the bill, started down the otter side with frightful velocity. ‘The young man hastily appited the brake. It fatled to work, He shut off the power. It was too late, The maddened mactine raced down the steep grade. At the foot of the Incline there was a sharp turn to the left, Here the automobile left the turnpike and ran down the embankment, throwing the young couple out and landing them In a big pile of sand, “Never mind, dariing,” exclaimed the youth, who, with hat gone, collar jonse at the end, and coat ripped up the bac was presently engaged tn digging sand out of the hysterical malden's mouth, “this ts one time that the course of true love ran smooth, even if tdld get @ bit of @ Joltat the end of the run.” Cyrus Winterbottom,” she said, half an hour later, as they were Journeying toward homne In # farmer's wagon, “1 belleve you did the whole thing on purpose so you could have the chance of saying something smart.” — Boston Journal. . heditative tone w, black and brown ; makes It disagreeably Tux Colonel occasionally broke forth In language not exactly suited tothe drawing-room. The Colonel was weil on inthe fifties and had not married. Not that he couldn't, he was wont to explain, but because so few women struck his fancy. One evening the Colonel attended # Uttle “at home,” — Yale Record. and taking the hostess, a very dear friend of bis, aside, poured Into her ear the story of bis rejection by a charming young woman whom be had asked to be bis wife. The hostess thought the Colonel needed «ytmpathy, and, beckoning & charming dinner companion to her, sald : “Colonel —— has been telling me that he bas not been fortunate tn winning the hand of Miss ———. Now, | think the Colonel ought to remember the oid adage : ‘There are Just as good fish in the sea as ever were caught.) ” “Yes, madam, lots of fish, but there are so—few mer- malds,” laterrupted the Colonel. New York Evening Sun. Iya Western Massachusetts town lived a young woman who ts blessed with both discrimination and tact The Orst of these admirable quahties she has displayed by her two marriages. Her first husband was a minister—s most delightful man ; he died, and after # lapse of Ave or six years she was united to bis only brother, who was a success ful lawyer in New York. On her Wbrary desk stands a picture of the first partner of her Joys und sorrows, and one day a curious caller asked whom the photograph represented, “That,” sald the hostess, with evident emotion, “ts picture of my hustand's brother, who died eight years ago, and who was very dear to us both." — Youth's Companion, “ Wno Is that distingulshed-looking man over there wit the worrled expression on bis face?" “That's Colonel Timms. He's our richest citizen, also @ trustee of our local college.” “ But why does he look so careworn and anxious?" “Because he's in @ constant worry for fear Jonn D. Rockefeller will give the college a big wad of cash on con: dition that the trustees raise as much more!" — Cleveland Plain Dealer. He's ‘The Inter- Chancery Lane, THE WILSON DISTILLING Co., Baltimore, Md Established 1823. WILSON WHISKEY. That’s Ali! Y j Life’s Gibson Dinner Cards. 25 Subjects, Mostly Single Figures, from Charles Dana Gibson's Cartoons. $3.75 the Set of 25. 15 Cents Each, To be had of the book and art dealers, or sent, carriage prepaid, on receipt of price oy printed in colors. LIFE PUBLISHING COMPANY, 19 West Thirty-First Street, New York City, a Gmail ECROPRAN AGENTS—Messra. Brentano, 37 Avenue del'Opera, Paris. READY APRIL FIRST! EASTER NUMBER OF LIFE. FOR SALE ON ALL NEWS-STANDS. PRICE, 10 CENTS. Will be filled with good things, Artistic and Literary THE COVER will show an exceptionally rich design by C. ALLAN GILBERT, THE PICTURES. C. D. Ginson, who draws exclusively for LIFE, will have the usual double-page drawing. Hanna, Kembie, BLasufietp, Cusine, and others LITERARY FEATURES. An Easter Poem by Jennie Betts Harts- wick. Poems and Stories by THEODOSIA PICKERING GARRISON, Tom MASSON, Mavetine Bripces, Epowin L, Sasty, E. S. MARTIN. LIFE PUBLISHING COMPANY, 19 West Thirty-first St., Beautiful half-tones by Hvtt, New York City. Trains in ‘the World—On the New York Central. comicbooks.com