Life — March 14, 1901 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

LIFE NJ O real statesman has yet been admitted g's Hall of Fame, although it and Major McKinley arc both members, A statesman has been needed for some time, to lend tone to the establishment and bring it down to its proper level. It is hard work, of course, to find a real good statesman of the right type. The one who applied this week, however, is believed to fill every require- ment. He has all the qualities of a states- man, for he has been playing goatherd to the New York State Legislature so long that statesmanship is second nature to him, The following examination speaks for itself : Exit K. T, C, Piatt. “Mr. Platt, you can speak freely, as your evidence will not be counted against you. What is your occupation ?”” “Tam a manufacturer.” “Of what?"" “ Machines."” Are you doing a good business?" “Well, [have never really made but one machine, but that is a dand, “Where do you reside?” “In the hearts and pocketbooks of the New York State Legislature.”” “But you have also been to Washing- ton?" “Ob, yes, when the Senate is under- going its annual disturbance. “And which do you pret Washington?” “Oh, Albany. ernor,” “* What is your favorite flower?” “The golden rod."” “If you had to live your life over again, would you do any different?" “Well, I think I might have gotten more out of Teddy.” “Who else would you rather be if you could?" “Mark Hanna. He has a larger field.” “Enough, Mr. Platt. You're a star mem- ber." r, Albany or Im nearer the Gov- Revile Your Enemy. W HO is lying? Somebody, surely, and what an appalling lot of it is being done! For months we have been fed with a British spoon on shocking tales of Boer brutality and treachery, And now, in their recent proclamation, Presi- dent Steyn and General Do Wet tell us that the English “have not scrupled, contrary to the Geneva convention, to capture doctors and ambulances, and deport them in orde1 to prevent our wounded from getting medical assistance ; that they have been continually capturing women and children and old and sickly men ; and that there have been many deaths among the women because the so-called Christian enemy had no consideration for women on a sick- bed, or whose state of health should have protected them against rough treatment. Honorable women and tender children have not only been treated roughly, but have been insulted by soldiers, by order of their officers.”” Well, wo really knew this already, but it is painful to receive it officially. And when Steyn and Do Wet tell us that the ‘alleged misuse of the white flag is simply a continuanco of the everlasting calumny against which the Afrikander has had to strive since the time God brought him into contact with the Englishman,” they are merely telling us what every impartial human adult outside of England has known for a year. So far as we can judge by the evidenco presented, there is little doubt that for dull, persistent, vicious lying the Hon, Joseph Chamberlain and his assistant have won the prize. Twentieth Century Episode! TPPREDDIE (cho has been brought up with a pianola, rushing frantically upstairs from the drawing-room): Oh! Mamma, mamma! There's a man downstairs playing the piano with his hands /”” The Progress of the Seasons. OHNNY,” said tho teacher, ‘‘ can February March?’* “No,” said Johnny, ‘ but April May.”” a RG He AU eM ful tt Hi in wi ‘a or rie Se en ae Me SLA cTER yy), BOY Coe ici onactovs!