Life — October 25, 1900 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Speak Up, Mr. Yerkes. R. YERK of Chicago and New York, has bought an underground railway franchise in London, and proposes to operate it with American elee- tricity. He knows how, and no doubt he will give the Londoners good service. When he has equipped his line and got it running, it is to be hoped that one of the magazines will hire him to write a piece comparing Chicago, New York and London in_ their attitude towards the rapid tran- sit barons. His experiences in Chicago have been searching and profuse, and his financial success there has been considerable. One would really like to know how London officials seem to a man who had been able to do business profitably with Chicago aldermen. ~“LIPE* The Canner, CANNER, exceedingly canny, One morning remarked to his granny, “ A canner can can ything that he can, But a canner can't can a can, can he?” An Advance Notice. MX scheme for the regeneration of the = race differs from all others in two respects. It must not be tried on the people of the present generation, and it is bound to succeed, My reason for sparing the men of my own time is that no one who has ever done anything worthy has succeeded with his contemporaries. This is not to be wondered * at, for, when a man has gone to the trouble to establish himself in his errors, he is too comfortable to exchange them for the dis- quieting truth of another—which will prove in most cases to be only a new form of error. For this reason the teacher or reformer should always address himself to the next genera- tion. Moses had a scheme for the benefit of thechildren of Isracl, but before he could even try to put it into force he had to lead them around through the malarial lowlands of Arabia until a generation of them had died off. But his method was too slow, involving a great waste of energy, and he died and was gathered to his fathers before his end was accomplished. Then there was Robespierre. He was going to fix up the world, finish it in white and gold, stationary tubs, etc., and, finding his own generation in the way, he started to kill it off. But his method has not received general approval, and he was removed him- self before he had a chance to give his 333 scheme a trial. Yet his work was not wholly lost. It prepared the way for Bonaparte by leaving him only the right kind of people to work with. Knowing all this and some more, I shall not try to do anything for my own genera- tion or to get anything from it except a living, but the next generation is mine. Moreover, all succeeding generations will also be mine, for I have discovered the fatal error of all previous altruists from Plato to John Brisben Walker, and have provided aremedy. The trouble with all past altruistic schemes is that they allow, even encourage, thought. Now thought is the greatest of all breeders of discontent. And when discontent comes people discard the system that has been provided for them and begin to think out new ones for themselves. But that will not happen under my system. Having thought out a scheme to make all the world happy, it would be an obvious waste of energy to let others do any thinking, and I have provided that, after the world has been reorganized along my lines, thinking shall be a criminal offense to be punished by death. Of course, many will object that, without thought, there can be no progress, but I reply that when perfection has been attained there is no need of progress, and it goes without saying that my scheme is perfect. And it is partly because I am so sure of my scheme that I am doing what may seem very unnecessary in writing this advance notice of it. The fact is that I am really too tender-hearted to be a great re- former, and recoil at the thought that many of my friends of the present generation will live into the next and will be in danger of death by some slip of the brain that may produce a thought. For that reason I write this to warn them to give up thinking now, so that they may be permanently vacuous when I take charge of the world. I do this with the more boldness because I know from association h them that they can do it with but little | effort and without noticeable change in their conduct. But the rising generation needs no warning, being already as thoughtless as any re- former could desire. P. MeArthur, RS. YOUNGWIFE: I have at last discovered how to receive guests properly. Mr. Younowire:? ? ? ? “T have everything ready and then look awfully surprised to see them.”” comicbooks.com