Life — September 6, 1900 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Dyspepsia: The World Mover. YSPEPSIA is commonly regurded as one of the many attendant human ills, as one of those super- fluous miseries thrown in at the last moment to make good meas- ure against us. In reality, this is about the only harm that Dys- pepsia is guilty of—it makes the recipient ungrateful for what it does to him, and leaves him railing against a benefactor. | Dyspepsia never attacks an unworthy | subject, and when it grasps a man cordially by the stomach and sticks by him as no other friend, you may be sure that that man has got something in him that is worth while, Dyspepsia will pass by every time scme coarse, vulgar, unfeeling, health imal i] creature and go and linger in the stomach | of refinement and culture and intellectuality. I have known a man to eat a Welsh rarebit | and drink a bottle of beer every night of his life until he was eighty, and Dyspepsia never came near him, That man was no poet. That man did not rise and fall on the tide his emotions. That man minus aspiration, He had no capacity for suffering. He did not know what it is to long. Dyspepsia never gocs near a man, the seat of whose brain is located in his stomach. It wants a good, clear space to werk in. It picks out a man with a lofty brow and an inherent capacity for achieving, and then just attaches itself to him as another obstacle to make him assert himself. ° . ° HAT is what Dyspepsia is here for—to take a little, weazened, thin apology for a human being, with a spark of genius in him, and make him so uncomfortable that he cannot help but work. Whoever heard Our Ethnological Corner. Snort Histories or Great Races. “AnoUT THE MIDDLE oF THE DEY.” of anybody who really did things, who was entirely free from Dyspepsia? Napoleon had it. Sam Johnson's life was one long gastronomical repentance. The world was wiser every time Carlyle groaned, and the early morning pie crust of Emerson’ has created an intellectual halo over every State in New England. Neither McKinley nor Bryan is troubled with it. As a rule, i* leaves our Presidents alone. Dyspepsia is a badge of ability. It is a sign of something that is bound to happen. It breeds in the humorist a fine melancholy and gives him a back- ground to work upon. It is the best philosophical soil known. It nurses the sensibilities, makes a man irritable and ambitious, nervous and courageous, peevish and persevering. Dyspepsia is a respecter of persons. The more delicate, the more finely wrought the machinery, the better pleased it is to dwell there. It comes to a man and says, “I will rob you of sleep and make you think. I will force you to fight many a battle with me and win, and yet I shall not bedefeated. I will be your life-long enemy and your best friend. There shall be no peace between us until you have done all the things I have set you to do.” With a good, healthy, persistent pain in his stomach, a man may conquer the world, Tom Massor, The Same Feeling. LARK: I wonder how a man feels when he finds himself hopelessly bankrupt. OLerK: Say, didn’t your wife ever insist upon having the dressmaker in to make her fall clothes right after get- ting home from the seashore? THE GERMAN, OR TEUTONIC. HE German, or Teutonic race inhabits Milwaukee, Hoboken and parts of Prussia. It is closely allied to the Anglo-Saxons, both having similar desires and anxious to cecupy the same territory at the samo time. By nature, this race is gold-hunting and music-haunted, and when stirred to its depths will emit strange, uncanny grumblings and sounds, technically classed as germanopera. It lives principally upon the common keg, leaving the shell and absorbing the _ contents with great avidity. Migra- tory in its nature, types of this people may be seen in many places. The German capital contains quite a number. The three most prominent members of the German, or Teutonic race are Willie Hohenzollern, Willie Hohen- zollern and Willie Hohenzollern. Jt doesn’t take three generations to unmake a gentleman. “att peter.” comicbooks.com