Life — August 9, 1900 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

M4 The Perennial Problem. & T= problem as to > whether husbands really love their wives is again upper- most in society, and Battle, Murder and Sudden Death, Politics, Trusts, Floods, Earthquakes, Heat, Hades and Hurry have been relegated to their proper places. Husbands may be roughly divided into two great classes—those who are managed by their wives and those who think they are not. The rest are so far in the minority that they are not worth considering. But the fact that a husband is duly controlled by his wife is no evidence either that he loves her or that he does not. The average husband is a meek, burden-bearing animal, with domestic traits, his mind intent on one or two things, and it is a comparatively easy thing to shift him about. A light breeze may blow him in almost any direction, provided he is let alone on the one subject he is interested in, and if alight breeze does not suffice, the average wife is almost always equal to the emergency, and can induce a more powerful Eolian currentat a moment's notice. But do husbands love their wives? They do, they do! And the proof lies in the subject on which the average man is interested in, to the exclusion of everything else, even to the excite- ment of making love to his wife. And this subject is the Almighty Dollar. He hasn't time for anything else, and he chases it mostly for love of his partner. It may not be amiss to say that our mammoth dry goods establishments are pulsating monuments to the love that the average husband bears to the average wife—God bless her ! “Se Skinflint paid the doctor’s bill without a murmur?” “Yes. body who placed so high a value on his life.’’ He was pleased to find some- ‘DIRE « A Quixotic Quest of Three Blind Mice. MAIDEN mouse of an arrogant mind Had three little swains and all were blind. ‘The reason for this I do not know, But I think it was love that made them so, For without demur they bowed to her, Though she treated them all with a high hauteur. She ruled them, schooled them, frequently fooled them, Snubbed, tormented, and ridiculed them : Mice as a rule are much like men, So they swallowed their pride and called again. ‘The maiden mouse of an arrogant mind To morbid romance was much inclined, ‘The reason for this I have not learned, But I think by novels her head was turned. She said that the chap who dared to nap One hour inside of the farmer's trap Might gain her, reign her, wholly enchain her, Woo her, win her, and thence retain her ! Hope ran high in each suitor's breast, And ull determined to stand the test. The maiden mouse of an arrogant mind Laughed when she saw them thus confined. ‘The reason for this I can’t proclaim, But I know some girls who'd have done the same! . As thus they kept to their word, and slept, ‘The farmer's wife to the pantry stept : She sought them, caught them, carefully brought them Out to the light, and there she taught them How that chivalry often fails, By calmly cutting off all their tails. ‘The maiden mouse of an arrogant mind Treated her swains in a way unkind. ‘The reason for this is not complex : That's always the way with the tender sex. With impudent hails she cried, ‘* What ail You all, and where are your splendid tails?” She jeered so, sneered so, flouted and fleered 80, Giggled, and altogether appeared so Lacking in heart, that her slaves grew bored, And threw up the sponge of their own accord. ‘The maiden mouse of an arrogant mind Watched and waited, and peaked and pined. The reason for this, I beg to state, Is all summed up in the words Too Late! Tue Morat intwined is: Love is blind, But he never leaves all his wits behin You may beat him, cheat him, often defeat him, ‘Though he be true with torture treat him: One of these days you'll be bereft, You think you're right, but you'll find you're left. Guy Wetmore Carryl, A Disappointment. EENELOPE : My dear, he is awful ! Perpita: You don’t tell me! What has he done? “ Why, last night—oh, I shrink from it!” “Go on. he?” “Yes. I was alone.” “ How fortunate !"" “I don't know about that. Still——" “Tell me, did he make love “Did he! Why, he hadn't got seated before he took my hand.” “Did you take it away?” “Of course. But he grabbed it again and—what was the use?" “Of course. And then?’ “He began to tell me all sorts of beautiful things, and somehow — it seemed so natural—his arm was around my waist before I knew it.” “How thrilling! Did he—” “Oh, yes, by and by. Of course, it was awful to let him kiss me, but after the first time— ” “You didn’t mind. times did he kiss you?” «Oh, I don’t know. A dozen, may- be.”” “ And then?” “It was mearly midnight, and he went home.” Pervita (disappointedly) : all? PeneLore: Why, yes. What more did you want ? ** Oh, dear !"” “« But what is the matter?” “Oh, nothing. Only I did think you were going to tell me something new.” He found you here, didn't How many Is that In the Nature of an Axiom. “DHILOSOPHER: And now, after having reviewed all philosophy with you, there is only one law that I can lay down for your guidance. Stupent: What is that? «*When you are sure you are right you should suspect that you are wrong.” The Ideal. HE VEGETARIAN: What kind of a dinner did my wife put up? “Fine! We had greens and salad, and, in fact, a dinner fit for a cow-I mean for a king.’’