Life — May 10, 1900 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

405 Principal occupations; althongh feeble and sporadic attempts have been made tn legitimate Ines, which were promptly suppressed by the board of public safety. Frankfort ekes out a precarious existence from what can be wrung by the authorities from the old tuhabttants of opposite political faith, who tn the happy days of yore had a speaking ac- quatutance with “enterprise,” and from those benighted individuals who visit her out of curiosity, and who are promptly jatled and floed, Since the birth of 1900 numerous kiling und axsassination bees have been held, A polltical enemy to the rullng powers recently received a dangerous pistol wound, and, refusing to die, was actually arrested, presumatiy for betng only hulf-shot. (An actual and recent occurrence.) Bat if you stand tn with the gang,” you may shoot, get shot, Kill or get killed to your heart's content, without fear of jall, examtulng trial or Indictment. For, suys the * Jedge,” « fer them, tharatn't no law and thar aln’t no court” (Itterally quoted) ; and the Common (#) Council wil: pass a vote of thanks that patriotic herotstn still revels in our midst, We submit our case. Old Inhabe, * A ROLAND FOR AN OLIVER. PITTSBURG. “VERILY, MY FRIENDS, I PIGUT NOT UPON AN EMPTY STOMACH.” HOLY SMOKE1!1 fave you ever seen Pitts- Having published a drawing to piacate Mr. Oliver Herford, we now find it necessary to rub Mr. Joseph yurg p Smith the right way by Inserting the above. Well! it consists of the Ring—Taxes and Soot. Tulk about Cf Dwellera! Why, they got thetr AN IMPORTANT QUESTION. HICH is tho meanest city in the United States ? This is an important question, and ono that Lire would like to have definitely settled. With that object in view, we offer A Prize of Fifty Dollars In Gold for tho best statement of facts which prove that any particular city is the meanest one in this country. Conditions. Competitora must imit thelr arguments to three hundred words each. Write on one alde of the paper only. ‘The contest will close June 1st, 1900, and the award will be made as soon thereafter as the respective merits of the arguments can be deter- mined. ‘The winning argument will he printed, together with such others as keem to Lik worthy of that distinguished honor. Names and addresses of the writers should accompany all manuscripts. In no case will these be printed without the permisston of the sender. Those who desire thelr manuscripts retnrned should enclose a stamped and addressed return envelope. Each manuscript may bear a pseudonym,which Will be printed with the argument The Faltors of Live are to be the sole Judges of the merits of the argument PRANKFORT, KENTUCKY. Frankfort, situated na sink-hole without exit except through @ hole or over a bill, has lately enjoyed so much malodorous publicity that the added distinction of being the meanest city ip the land can only bring forth @ fervent “ Amen from the FEW GOOD citizens left within her borders. The city 1s governed bya mayor and a board of counctimen, holding their respective positions for lfe, withough so-called elections are held at stated {ntervals and the incumbents duly defeated. « Enterprise" in Frankfort ts extinct ; only the oldest inbabitants are aware of the existence of the word whose defluition ts now only a memory. To “hustle” is an intangible mystery, while * push * merely denotes the gang n power. Next to the HONORABLE tramc tn alleged confessions, backed Uy a capital of one hundred thoasand dollars Invested by a saptent legistature, politics, saloonkeeping and gambling are the potnters in Mitxburg. The #l-rated Rallroad on Liberty Street causes more first-class profanity than guif Every street car haa ninety swings and seats sixteen persous; when the awings are taken the sitters all wish they had walked. ‘The Democrats here are all Republican they don’t get a iicense. ‘The water !! When bottled sells as Red Ro‘in Spilta, The lanes, called here streets, aro navigable for street cars ouly. ‘The Inhabitants should change thelrtinen three or c= FRANKFORT.