Life — April 12, 1900 — page 8: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

«LIFE = Modest. “y WOULD not wear a showy bat,” Observed my lady fair. “ For modesty 1% what I prizo Of all tho virtues rare. A dainty little thing like this, A bow, some flowers, a feather, Is really most appropriate In this bright Easter weather 1” Paul West. The Lady Who Fixed Her: Face. (A FABLE) USTINE was A Very Attract- } ive Young Woman who had Been Perfectly Satisfied with Her Looks for Twenty Odd years, until one day she Went to a Free Lecture where a Lady named Madame Humpyah Talked for Hours on the Subject of Beauty. She said it was Every Woman's Duty to Own her Own Face, and she Gave Out Samples of Pink Powders and Lotions and Pastes that were Warranted to Remove Freckles, Blotches, Scales, Warts, Dandruff and Red Noses ina Night. A Little Pamphlet with a Picture of a Lady Before and After Using was Also Distributed. It Contained Certificates and Half ‘Tone Pictures of Persons who had Been Cured of Ingrowiog Face and Similar Troubles by Madame Humpyab’s Celebrated Pink Pellets. Justine Went Home Laden With Free Samples and Litera- ture and she Looked in the Glass and Decided that Her Face Wouldn't Do. Up to this It had Answered all right, for While Justine was not a Howling Beauty, she had a Little Way with Her, and Her Papa had been Obliged to Chain a Fierce Dog in the Front Yard in Order to Discourage Young Men from Occupying the Parlor to the Exclusion of Justine’s near Relatives, Justine Took Lessons from Madame Humpyah in Fixing Over the Human Face, and She was obliged to Live a Quiet Life for Two Weeks, as the Beautifying Process caused a Peeling of the Cuticle and the Eyebrow singeing Made Her Look Weird. The Touching Up of Her Hair Gave it a Greenish Gloss, and She Could no Longer Laugh at Little Brother's Jokes as it Caused the Enamel on Her Brow to Crack. Justine Persevered, however, and in Another Week or Two she had Tried All of Madame Humpyah’s recipes and She Looked Like the Prize Freak in a Side Show, She Had a Fuzzy Growth on Her Chia and Her General Expression made Her Resemble a Polka Dotted Dachshund, Her Admirers Deserted Her One By One, and She Finally Drifted to a Bowery Museum Where she Did a Lightning Change as The Bearded Lady and the Dog Faced Girl for Four Dollars a Week and Her Board. MORAL, Don’t Worry if You're Not Beautiful So Long as You Have Your Health, Kate Masterson. “ Quid non mortalta pectora cogis, aurl sacra fames.”? South Africa to England. IVE me peace, that’s no disgrace To save my land, and save my race, ENGLAND TO SOUTH AFRICA. I'll give no peace, I'll give no pleasare Until thou giv’st up thy treasure, For the gold within thy sod Is my idol, and my god. When land and gold becometh mino, Then I'll take caro of thee, and thine, Eliza O' Connor, To a Correspondent. HE paragraph to which W. Y. S. refers was in the press before Gencral Roberts made his report. Nevertheless we half doubt the accuracy of that report. Not that we believe General Roberts to be a liar, as Lire, on the contrary, is one of the warmest admirers of that soldier. But we do not consider him, nor any otber man, infallible in the confusion of a battle, We do admit, however, the possibility that in the isolated band where each one was fighting for himself, au individual may have unintentionally violated a flag of truce. But the chief reason for our persistence is that this constant violation of the simplest rules of war as claimed by the British is not in harmony with the Dutch-Huguenot character. Most of our information concerning the Boers comes through their bitterest enemies, the English. Fair-minded Americans are beginning to make allowance for this important fact and, con- sequently, to accept with caution many of the English reports. “ DELIGHTED TO MEET YOU, DEAR BOY! COM AND LUNCH WITH MEI" comicbooks.com