Life — April 12, 1900 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

DENVER—SHOWING THE PRINCIPAL BUILDINGS DEVOTED TO THE ROULETTE ANO FARO INDUSTRIES. The Meanest City in the United States. AN IMPORTANT QUESTION. HICH is the meanest city in the United States? This is an (mportant question, and one that Lire would like to have definitely settled, With that object in view, we offer A Prize of Fifty Dollars in Gold for tho best statement of facts which prove that any particular city is the meanest one in this country. Conditions. Competitors must limit their arguments to three hundred words each. Write on one side of the paper only. The contest will close June 1st, 1900, and the award will be made as soon thereafter as the Fespective merits of the arguments can be deter- inined. ‘The winning argument will be printed, together with such others as may seem to Live worthy of that distinguished honor. Names and addresses of the writers should ‘accompany ail manuscripts. In no case will these be printed without the permission of the sender. ‘Those who desire their manuscripts returned should euciose w stamped and addressed return envelope ach manuscript, may Dear a pseudonym, which will be printed with the argument. The Ealitors of Live nre to be the sole Judges of the merits of the arguments. Announcement! IFE is compelled by the multiplicity of manuscripts received to extend the date upon which the Meanest City Competition 1s closed from Muy first to Juno first, as {t would be impossible to do justico to all within tho time originally intended, DENVER. Denver Is a reformed mining camp, sprawling at the foot of the Rocktes; but Its reformation only came when Its mines were played out, and the tough and rugged miner was outnumbered and outvoted by the hollow-chested consumptive from the Land of the East Wind. ‘The Denver of churches, booms, Puritanism and respectability closes up shop at 6p m.; and then By William Dean Howells. IIE good stories I have heard were all told me by Mark Twain, and of course they are his property. But there is a story which [ remember hearing a Scotchman tell, which seemed to me the most typically Scotch story I ever heard. Tt was told in the character and parlance (I can't give either very well) of a Scotch body full of piety and whiskey, who said that.on the last **Sawbath day ” he and. certain of his friends, ‘‘aw’ God fearin’ lads,” had met a man, on their way to kirk, ‘*gaen’ ulang whustlin’, and looken’ as happy as if it was the muddle o' the week. And we asked him what for was be whustlin’ on the Sawbath day? And he said he was whustlin’ to his dog. But we kenned better than thot, and we lockit upon him wi’ our stecks, and left bim half dead in the ditch;and when he came to hissel’ I said, Ye'll nae go whustlin’ through ¢his pairish on the Sawbath day.” the whirler from Whiriville get in thelr work. What the mining shark fatied to collect from the confiding tourist by daslight, the nocturnal pro- moter annexes In the balls of roulette and faro by night. Denver has pertodic «pasms of reform haxed on financial, rather than tonal grounds; they are designed to make the nocturnal bandit! surren- der thelr hard-earned loot to the daylight skin- ners of the consumptive city; Its slinply spoiling the Egypttans of faro. ‘The climate of Denver ts extreme ; in sammer It is a bake oven, In winter an ice chest. D nver has heen compared to Sheol, which ts unjust to Sheol; for while you cannot really cool off tn Sheol, you can strike good company. Tenderfoot. BUTTE. ‘There is but one meanest city in the United States, and that ts Butte, Montana, That other clalms are put forward can be accounted for only ‘on the hypotheals that the other claimants have not visited Botte. Ita own Inbabitants are compelled to take fre- quent trips into other parts of the State in order to preserve within themselves a semblance of confidence In the goodness of God. ‘These trips aie devoted also to the pleasant exercise of Ura bing, whtch 1s an impossibility in Butte. The city Nes to a bast, surrounded by moun- talus ‘There 1s no way of ventilating tt. The smelters pour oat sulphur fumes in great clouds, und these clouds settle Into the form of a huge cake, In which ts imbedded the city and its people. A Butte man was once accidentally confined in an hermetic bank vault for twenty-two hours. He was asked upon his release what his sensations were, and he sald that the darkness and silence were horrthie, bat the alr was simply superb. The stranger who ts not entitied to vote ts robbed systematically, There 1s nothing fit to eat in the place, and he Is compelled to pay ct prices for it. If he be wealthy, he can It glass of beer. ‘The life of the city ix gambling and politics— the sort of politics which would scandalize Tam- many Hall There are some nice people tn Butte, as there Gre in Sheol, but they never speak of the pla with pride—not even with the pride which a r dent of Brooklyn, N. Y., displays when speaking of his town, And th this respect Butte stands alone. Its alence 1s the ne plus ultra of eloquence. Harry Majors. OCKER: Is Mr. Swapperham an Lonest man ? WRacELy: Well, he always gets the worst of it in a horse trade, comicbooks.com