Life — April 5, 1900 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Tuene was once a Kid with a Freckled Nose whose most Interesting Characteristic his Genius for being continually up against it. If he went off for an Innocent Smoke behind the Barn Loaded Cigars were his Predestined Fate. Did he put a Crooked Pin in the Parson's chair at dinner his Parent, a Long Man of a Strenu- ous Nature, was sure to sit on ft, and the Nap that he would wear off Willie's Check Pants was a F ty. This, by the way, was a Favorite Pastime of the Strenuous Parent, and the Skill he acquired in manipulating a Club and scoring Ilits, would have won him an Easy Thousand on the Brooklyns. But even the worm will introduce Movement and Willle began to lose Beauty Sleep pondering some Come Back on the Old G At last a Gilt Game permeated th Thatch of his Cranium and he saw his way clear to passing Dad the Merry Gee-Hee. Sunday Morn found the Freckled Kid scrut- Inizing the Hay Fields. But by Church time he had washed his Knuckles, and gotten into his elulotd Choker and stood Ready with th Golden Text cribbed on his Cuff. ‘The Butter would have Hquidated in that Mouth would have scared a Churn. But F Olfactory Nerves were entirely Insensible Presence of a Rodent, so he pushed the Freckled Kid Into the Pew, followed him up with a Mother In a New Bonnet, took his place 10 and began to do the High Minded Pillar of the Church down to the Ground. The Strenuous Parent had his little Fallings, and Cloves, a Habit acquired in Early Life, was one of them. It was the Custom of his Wor- a Reflex Kid's pa’s > the For sale by all Nowsdeal rational News Company, 1 London, B. C., England, AGENTS. Established 1823. WILSON WHISKEY. That’s THE WILSON DISTILL Raltimore, Md. @ i EVERY GENUINE ONE PIECE COLLAR BUTTON Has tho na iid oF plate. as our plat Heware of imitations, You without charge tn damaged from any canse. Walsts and Children’s Dresses, Sold by all Jewelers. The Story of a Collar Button free op request. KREMENTZ & CO., 60 Chestnut St., Newark, N.J. T Ye19GORS AT NvLLy shipping Spouse to pass him the Sald Cloves, from Time to Time, and he would bite off thetr Ifeads and throw the Stems into the Aisle. The Worshipping Spouse was rather Absent Minded. and this Morning was near Plum Daffy rubber- ing at the Yaller Bunnit of that 8 Eyed Skinner Girl's, This {s where Young Willie pulled the Bell. ‘Taking unobtrusively from his Pocket a Pill Box cted an Insect of the Species to Thoughtless Mama still Hopper- quietly abst Grasshopper and sed It Mama. 8o far it was a Spinach. doing the Gutta-Percha slipped the Grass to the High Minded Pillar, The Pillar was Figuring how he could do Deakin Sapper out of a Black Hog, so the Plot Went, and abstractedly biting off the Insect's head, he dropped the Rest into the Aisle. Willie says he never did Ike Sitting Down much, anyhow. Moral: The Only V Sulclde.—Yale Record. to cure Freckles \« Tue following story Is told of Colonel B. W. Wrenn, manager of the traffic department of the big Plant system, by a well-known news- paper man of New Orleans: “Some years age 1 was broke in New York,” he says, “and hear- ing that B. W. Wrenn, passenger-traMe man- ager of the Plant system, was in town, I called on him and asked for a pass to Jacksonville, Wrenn didn't know me from Adam, and he very properly turned me down. However, I had to have that p so I kept on tackling him, cach time presenting some new reason why the road should carry me to Jacksonville. The last time I called, the clerk wouldn't let in, and handed me one of my cards, on wha Colonel Wrenn had written: ‘Keep this feli! out. If he bothers me any more I'll go crazy That gave me an idea, and I made a beet, for Mr. Plant's private office. ‘Mr. Plant; | sald, ‘I want a pass to Jacksonville, Fla! 7p old gentleman looked at me in amazement. 1) what grounds? he asked. ‘In exchange fo treating Colonel Wrenn for threatened mer trouble,’ I replied. Mr. Plant's face ci ‘What kind of a game ts this, sir?’ he demay ed, sternly; sir, and 1 won't permit—— ‘Pardon me,’ | terrupted, ‘but Colonel Wrenn 1s at this 5 ment apprehensive of lunacy, and believes frm ly that it rests entirely with me to avert m attack. I have his written statement to the effect in my pocket.’ ‘Let me see & Plant fairly shrieked. I handed him the cut and got ready to run. As he read the inscrp tion his face relaxed. His plercing gray ea began to twinkle. Finally, he lay back fs chair and roared with laughter. ‘Here Smith,’ he called to a clerk, ‘give this youy man transportation to Jacksonville, and chap |) it to medical treatment for Colonel Wren! Argonaut. “How much did you get to-day? sald te mana, ‘Something like ten dollars ‘or, handing over the bill. And the forme ECROPEAN AGENTS—Messrs. Brentaz: ST Avenue del'Uvera, Paris, Out of Sight Is what good judges siy when you ask them what they think of Hunter Whiskey For They Appreciate Its Quality, Age, Flavor WM, LANAHAN & SON, Baltmore, Md. @ KREMENTZ Krementz" stamped on the back, showing pase A genuine Krementz button tx Spectal styles for Ladies’ Shirt ti TRE: ( ‘Transparent as crystal. ‘The casi cleansing Properties and absolute purity, as well as the refined and deli- ‘iy cate perfume of this toilet soap, have placed it at the apex of all. § SOLD UNIVERSALLY. RAMPLE CAKE 18 CENTS. MULHENS & KAO U. S. AGENTS, NEW YORK NIAGARA FALLS § HOURS FROM KEW YORK YA NEW YORK CENTRAL ‘Colonel Wrenn 1s perfectly six replied the ct comicbooks.com