Life — February 15, 1900 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

FIVE VALENTINE VICTIMS, More Peaceful. T= Man behind the gun’s all right, But when I'm after bliss, Givo me that creature out of sight, The Girl behind the kiss, FP itor «Lire ~ DeAK Sut: Can nothing be done to restrict the license of a wanton and consclenceless press? Some years ago, if I rightly remember, an ‘attempt was made to prevent the printing of sensational and detatled accounts of executions, and more recently the ‘anti-cartoontst bill received strong support In oar Legislature. But the evil to which I refer now 1s far more sertous than anything that can result from the reporting of the death agonies of malefactors, many of whom deserveall that they get, or the lampooning of statesmen, all of whom deserve more than they get. I desire to cal! attention to the per- niclous influence of the modern aoclety column, 4s tnstanced by the printed reportsof a gruesom function given recently at the house of a well- known leader of fashion, The morning after this woful occurrence I had occasion to reprimand one of my clerks for what I regarded as tmpertinent treatment of a cus- tomer, when, to my surprise and annoyance, he “floored me by showing me a newspaper clipping, which told how the Four Hundred “roared " at this fen esprit: nota post? When it {sa pansy. “There,"* sald my emplosee, tramphantly,“sou see I am right in style with my manners, after all? The next day my office Loy was canght in the actof stealing twenty dollars from the petty cash, 1 took him into my office and talked to him long and earnestly He Hstened at first with sullen tnditference, Lut at last, when I reminded him of the sorrow and disgrace that he was bringing upon his mother and his alster, his lip began to tremble and his eyes to fll, and then he burst {nto a flood of passtonate weeping. AS soon as he could controt bis emotion he handed me a marked copy of a dally paper and said, In broken tones, “1 Ve been Hivin’ straight an’ honest ever since I fast come here four years ago, workin’ hard and savin’ me money, all because I wanted to get rich and be one of the Four Hundred. But wot's de use of workin’ and gettfa’ rich if you've got to listen ty such gags as these?" Then, with the tears still coursing down his cheeks, the poor boy recited the ghastly lines that had been seared {nto his innocent young heart : “1 was detained in the depot by Chaunce. Chaunce who? Chaunce Depew.” “ Me and the old woman had a dispute, and we can’t settle It. Then leave It to Mra, Alirict, she’s Fatr," Then he began to recite some witty verses, beginning, * We all know well that fishes swim in water, not on land,” but be bad not gone far before I begged him to stop. I forgave him his crime and sent bim at once to the matinee at Harry Miner's, hoping that the entertatnment there would drive out of his mind the gruesome picture of soctety diverston left my ofice early that afternoon, and, on reaching home, proceeded, in accordance with my usual custom, to pay a vistt to the nursery. “Oh, papa!” cried my eldest boy, “ we've got a splendid new game! Walt and see how It goes. Now then, Tommy, give that one over again, 80 that papa can hear." Thereupon, his Mttle cousin Tommy, an un- usually bright lad of six, hopped across the floor in simian fashion, and sald to my youngster, “When isa fish nota fish? To this Wille, who was almost bursting with uncontrolled mirth, When Is a Post made answer, “When {t 1s a lobster.” all set up ® shout of merry laughter. “What sort of a game Is this?’ I asked, as the merriment subsided. * Oh," sald Tommy, with an alr of tmportance, “Wille and f are Just practicing our new play, and We are going to ask mamma to let us give tt tn the drawlug-room some evening. We call {t “Pun in the Four Hundred,’ and when we're al dressed up like real monkeys, with real long talls, 1t will be the funntest thing you ever saw." Tt seems that some of the servants had been reading aloud the soclety news in the morning Papers, a practice which will be henceforth for- Iddden tn my house, and thi gave the young people the {dea for thelr scheme of a soctety drama, I cannot imagine where they concelved ‘the Idea of dressing ke monkeys, but, after all, the childish mind ts frequently an tmaginative one, Tommy Insists upon it that there were real monkeys at the great ‘Soclety vaudeville,” because the paper printed a list of them at the end of the report. Hoping that Live will use its influence to Prevent the elaborate reporting of all future carousals of this description, I beg toxstgn myself, AMERICAN FATHER AND EMPLOYER. And they comicbooks.com