Life — May 11, 1899 — page 19: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

GARGON, VOULEZ-VOUS AVOIR L'OBLIGEANCE DE ME PASSER MoN CUAPRAU!—Le Petit Mustré Amusant, SOME GEESE. Ev-er-y child who has the use Of his seu-ses knows a goose. Sce them un-der-neath the tree Gath-er round the goose-girt's knee, ‘While she reads them by the hour From the works of Scho-pen-hau-er, How pa-tient-ly the geese at-tend! Bat do they re-al-ly comprehend What Scho pen-hatier *s driving at? Ob, not at all; but what of that? Net-ther do I ; net-ther does she ; And, for that mat-ter, nor does he. —Century. Sue: How ts it that yon sometimes show such masculine energy, and again such womanly indectstont lik: Oh, I suppose it 1s a matter of tnherttance. Yousee, baif of my ancestors were mien and half were women. —Das Kleine Witezdlatt. A SecoND LIEUTENANT recently graduated from West Point bad just Joined his regtment in Cuba and was standing bear the palace in Havana, when a grizzled and unshaved old soldier, wearing a cavalry Sergeant's stripes on his breeches, a Ulue shirt anda campaign hat, stepped up and stood near him. The young soldier fidgeted at the manner In which the trooper Ignored bls proximity and then turned on bim sharply: Here, you man, did anyone ever teach you how to Yes, sir, ster. Well, knock sour heels together,” sald the young oMicer, and the trooper came to attention with the precision of an old saldier. ‘ow salute,” he gald, and the trooper’s gauntlet came to rim of bis hat and stald there until the young Heutenant It, at the same time demanding: “Now remember don’t let It happen again. What 1s your name, and What do you belong tot” Without relaxing bis position from attention, the old trooper again respectfully saluted, and remarked, dryly: “My hanie is Samuel Sumner, and I'm Brigadter-General of the y Rrigade."— Exchange. Way doesn’t Mabel marry that young fdiot?” asked futher. Lam getting awfully tired of hts coming here drawled the trooper, as he glanced at the “1 belteve T prefer to have him come here,” said the mother. “If she marries him he'll stay here.”—Stray Stories. My Qvees!” exclaimed her adorer, timidly, “ May I al band?” “My faithful subject,” replied the young womar,, with the air of one gently chiding bim, “what Is the matter with the royal Mpst””— Chicago Tribune. Ir really 1s the most extraordinary regiment that went to said the man who makes It a point to keep posted, ‘one of the many came up for discusston. In what way?” asked the man who pays little attention thew Whe to deta “Why, itis the only one whose friends have not prefixed ‘The Fighting? to its number."—Chicago Post. HE FOUNDED HIS HOUSE TO MAKB RUINART CHAMPAGNE THE BEST WINE IN THE WORLD kee Ui, HE CHOSE THE SUNNY SLOPES OF RHEIMS. IN FRANCE. _ AS THE BEST PLACE IN THE WORLD wk «x AT CHICAGO IN 1593 THE WORLD'S FAIR JURY GAVETO THE HIGHEST AND ONLY AWARD FOR BRUT CHAMPAGNE, THE WINE WISE OF THE ‘WORLD SUSTAIN THAT AWARD AND SAY THE ONE WINE CHA ~1 i? IS RUINART TO BE MAD AT THE BIST CLUBS AND HOTELS INTE cMureD ayprine PA GNE STRANGER (on the train): What was that? Native : That was the brakeman calling the station, But what has the station done to bim that be should call | {t such a hard name? "—Boston Transcript. LitTLe Willle Smart comes from down tn Dixte, His mother sald to bim the other day: “I fear you are conceal- Ing something from me, Willte.” “Well, mamma,” replied Wille, “my nurse says: “Honey, de Bible say yer mus'n’ tell er He, but de Bible doan say yer "bleeged ter be tellin’ de trufe all the tlme.’* Chautauqua Assembly Herald, His Hoxor Jepor Sik ts a man of grim humor, One time while he was holding the asxizes at a west of England town, a member of the bar, in the luncheon hour, was see! ing to convey the impression to a group, of whom Judge Silk | was the centre, that his income from his profession was very large. “I have to earn a good deal, the lawyer sald; “it seems a large story to tell, but my personal expenses are over one thousand pounds a year, It costs me that to live, “That Istoo much,” sald the Judge; “1 wouldn't pay Mt—it isn’t worth it!"—£xchange. Faruen O'Lrany, a well-known Catholic priest and wit, was on very friendly terms with his neighbor, the Church of England vicar. They met on the road one da when the vicar said excitedly : “Uh, Father O'Leary, have you heard the awful news: jo,” says the priest, ‘* what {s it at all?" “ Something awful!” says the vicar; “the bottom has fallen out of Purgatory, and all the Catholics have tum- bled into hell !** “Oh, dear, oh, dear,” says Father O'Leary, crushing the poor Protestants must have got —News-Let'er, “what a As I understand it,"* said the heathen, “you propose to civilize met" * Exactly 80."* “You mean to get me out of habits of idleness and teach me to work?” That ts the idea.” 7 “And then lead me to simplify my methods and invent things to make my work lighter?" “And next I will become ambitious to get rich, so that 1 won't have to work atall?" Natural: “Well, what's the use of taking such a roundabout way of getting just where I started? I don't have to work now."— Washington Star, Mr. Goria: Ise thatanew law in Georgia prohibits the selling of IMquor within three miles of a church or a schoolhouse, CoLoNeL Kaisieen (of Louisviltey: My stars! That's a terrible blow to Georgta. “Think so “Mercy, yes! _ In five years there won't be a church ors schoolhouse left in the State.—£xchange. comicbooks.com