Life — April 20, 1899 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A TRAGEDY, Two brothers there were of Sioux City; Each one thought the other tloux pretty. > each took his knife And the other one’s kiife. Now which of the tloux dioux ytoux pity? —Hareara Lampoon, A nerowTex named Jones ona big dally in St. Louls was detailed to interview the Governor of another State, who had Slipped Into the clty on asecret political mission, He learned to his disgust that Jackson, the stir reporter of a rival sheet, was on to the fact and proposed to call in an hour. Acting 00 Inspiration, he xent up a card bearing Jackson's name, and was promptly admitted. When he had learned all he wanted, he asked, with gross and intentional tmpudence, whether te tuformation was really true. The Governor turned purple. * Dy’ question my word?” he sal ni don't g gay !* replied Jones, arily. “Common Governors cut no ice with my oMtc The olf man foamed at the mouth. “ You insolent scoundrel,” he roa get out of my rooms!” That was exactly what Jones wanted, and he w Presently Jackson showed up. pompously, “take my card to the Governo When the old man looked at the pasteboard he nearly ex- “The blankety blanked infamous villain!” he splut- “Tnever heard of such blankety blanked effrontery tn my life! Tell that miscreant if he or ansbody else from his infernal paper comes up here fl kill‘ ‘The word wus carried to Jackson, who went away raving, Next day his paper intlmated the Governor was tn town on a bender, Jones's paper bad a capital interview and a big sec Exchange. “Here, boy," be sald, Dx. W—, for fifty years rector of a Baltimore church, ts What ts denominated “an old fashioned High Churchman,’ his views, when he took charge of the work, being much in advance of those about him. Ly degrees, however, new Ideas began to creep in, and & young clergyman, thoroughly Im- hued with these, was called to the doctor's assistance. “ Doc- * sald the young divine one day, * Ihave always been ted uppose that you were a High Churchman, but 1 must con- fess I don’t think you are a High Churchman at all, The doctor regarded his young mentor for a moment in silence, and then said, with a genial stile: “Mr. Smith, when I frat took up my resldence in Baltimore I lived ‘way uptown, Now I live ‘way down town, and yet I have been living In exactly the same house all the time.""— Argonaut. CuaRLes SUINER had little seuse of bumor and was not at bome In the small cut-and-thrust skirmishes of genentl soctety, Atan official ball in Washington, he remarked toa young woman who stood beside him: We are fortunate in having these places for standing here. We shall see the first entrance of the new English and Freuch Mintsters tnto Wash- ington society.” The young woman replied: “Iam glad to hear tt; 1 lke to see Hons break the Ice.” r was silent for a few minutes, but presently sald: ,tn the country where Hons Ive there ts no Ice. —Exchange. “THe average amount of sickness in a man’s life {s nine days out of the year," sald a traveler to bis neighbor aboard the ocean steamer. . “ [can't see how you make that out,” sald the neighbor, measuring the distance between his chatr and the ship's null; “Ittakes six days to go over and six days to come tack on the fastest suips."— Yonkers Statesman. © Miss HERBERT 8, STONE AND COMPANY: CHICAGO AND NEW YORK. Aq Maven Kissing Hill, By Julla Magrnder. Successful Houses. By Uliver Colenuin. Tiustnated. SMALL, MAYNARD AND COMPANY. BOSTON. The Memory ot Lincoln, Poems serected by M. A. DeWoite Howe. : Washington's Farerett Address. HARPER AND BuOruEKS NEW YORK AND LONDON. By William McLennan and J. N. Mell The Span o* Life. wraith, Mlustrated. Fragments ofan Autodto raphy. By Fellx Moscheles. That Duet at the Chateau Pulltzer. pany. Joseph Wheeler. The Man— The Sotdier—The Statesman, By T.C. DeLeon, Atlanta, Georgia: Byrd Printing Compans. No. John Street. By Richard Whitelog. New Y ‘The Century Company. The Haunted Hat. By Richard Knight. New York: The Bell Publishing Company. Porto Rico and the West Indies. Hamm, Marsanac. By Walter New York and Londun: Funk and Wagnalls Com. By Margherita Arline Ow Sunday morning last a well-known young soclety maa went to church with bis very Lest girl, Both were hundsome and modest, When the collection was being taken up the young man explored his pockets and, finding nothing, whis. pered to the young lady, “I haven't got a cent; I changed ms pants.” Meantime the young lady had been searching her pocket, and finding nothing, blushed # rosy red and said, “I'm in the same predicament.”—Ezchange. reat Irit . ‘The Inter- Building, Chancery Lane, Established 1823. WILSON | WHISKEY. That’s All! EUROPEAN AGENTS—Messrs. Brentano ‘Opera, Paris. j 4??292920999999999909 & Comfortable Shoes, $4. Gentlemen’s Shoes. Health=giving Shoes. Good fitting Shoes. Shoes that give you character. Send for Catalogue free. hg Every Evening at 8:00. \ The Drury Lane Sensational Play, \ ‘The Great Raby, Mats. Wednesday and Saturday at 2. COACHING PARASOLS. Lace, Net and Chiffon Parasols, | Parasolottes, | Martin’s London Umbrellas, GLOVES. nt and Fownes’ Riding and Driviny| Gloves, Courvoisier’s Ladies’ Kid Gloves. Rroadoay A 1986 ot. NEW YORK. 4 Pure Bath Soap ‘Wool Soap for the bath and toilet — you can't be wrong if you get a white pure soap —color is put into toilet soap to hide impurity — white is the symbol of purity and Wool Soap is whit. If your dealer doesn't sell it, sead us his name and address, and we will send you a cake free. Swift and Company, Makers, Chicago OF THE The Purest Type Purest Whiskey. Geld at all First-class Cafes and by Jobbers. WI, LANAHAN & SON, Baltimore, Md. = Ralston Health Shoe Makers, Campello, Mass. ONS Jon IGESTIVE TABLETS DIGEST ANY KIND OF FOOD KNOWN TO MAN | cost of re-maiting. -TIFE- We earnestly request our subscribers to give us a full week's notice of any intended change in their address. Notice of change should reach us by Thursday to affect the issue of the following week Under a recent act of Congress, paper mail will nt be forwarded toa new address, no matter whether instrueticns are sent to the local post office or not, unless addressee also sends stamps to that office to prepay Letters are forwarded without any trouble, but papers must be paid for a second time if they are to be forwarded.