Life — January 5, 1899 — page 8: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

** Inan tnetant he had deroured the entire contents through the long end of a apy-giass” effect that General Shafter bad taken care of the army in such an intelligent manner that out of somo sixteen thousand men only about ninety per cent were sick. This was a great record, In order to complete the work, it was suggested that these men be turned over at once to the War Department. Porto Rico and the Philippines were now captured. The main ob- Jects of tho war had been accom- plished, Peace was in sight. Cuaprer XIX, Two things now happened. A protocol was prepared, and an In- vestigating Committee began to stump the country in tho interests of the Republican party, it being near election, A protocol is & document drawn up between two hostile nations in such a way that its terms cannot be agreed to. ce Commissioners aro then selected by the President to go to some prominent restaurant in Europo and live to a green old age. A Peace Commissioner is a man who bas long wanted something, but the favorable opportunity to give it to him has not hero- tofore arrived. Whitelaw Reid is a Peaco Commissioner. Everything had beon done to make the Peace Commission a success, The Com- missionors sat down to ono of the Lest menus in Europe, and timo was no object. The assembling of our Peaco Commis- sioners in Paris to meet the Peaco Com- missioners of Spain was therefore a historic moment, Senator Davis was tho first to speak. “Gentlemen,” ho said briefly, “ what will you have?” Ho was interrupted by Seftor Guarmia Y. Diaz, “Excuse me, sefior,” be said quietly; “but this {s on us, What will you have?” - LIFE + “An imperial Philippine cock- tail!” was tho unanimous reply. Tho Spaniards hesitated. “Wo thought,” said Marquis Montoro at last, “ that you had sworn off im- perial drinks be- fore the war.” Here Judge Day rose to the emer- gency, and uttered the following his- torical saying: “No promise mado by a victor is binding after the war is over.” And he added earnestly: “ Be- sides, it is a question of morality, Tam- many Hall is anxious to Christianize Manila, * United States Senators had never teen #0 prosperous.”* Cuarten XX, Wurtz the Peaco Commissioners wero doing Paris, the Investigating Committee appointed by the President was doing tho United States. The purpose of the com- mitteo was to show that no one was responsible for the management of the war. Blanks had already been provided, 0 that no compromis- ing questions would be asked. Tho witness being called, the follow- ing conversation took } place: “You aro General Bravoboy?” “Yes, sir.” You were at San- tiago?” “Yes, sir.” “Whom do you con- sider tho groatost living General—Napoleon or Shafter?” “ Shafter,” “You admit this?” “Ido.” “You wouldn't get yourself disliked by declaring that the camps at Chickamauga or Montauk Point were not perfect, would you?” “Not much!” “And everything wasall right, wasn’tit?”” “Couldn't have been better.” “Have a cigar?” “ Thanks.” Cnarrer XXI. In concluding the account of a war no competent historian will neglect to give its results, Among the greatest achievements of the war with Spain may be mentioned the fol lowing: Tho stock market had not fluctuated so widely for years, and United States Sena- tors had never been so prosperous, William Hearst was still proprietor of the Journal. Seeretary Alger had become more widely known, Henry James's stories had been crowded out of Harper's Weekly for nearly nine weeks, Pure Havana cigars could now bo viewed at the Museum of Natu- ral History. Spain was free. Cuba was not, That island had not yot been annexed to the United States. Tom Masson. {me END} Information Wanted. ELEBRATED AUTHOR: Get down my encyclopedia from the attic at once, dear, His Wire: What for? “T’ve just got an order to write a book on my life in the Philippines.” “ The Peace Commissioners were doing Parts.”